


Memories of the Waves

by boobeika



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Terminal Illnesses, baeksoo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-28 09:27:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19391269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boobeika/pseuds/boobeika
Summary: Three years ago, they met on the beach beneath skies of gray. Today, Baekhyun returns alone.





	Memories of the Waves

**Author's Note:**

> Yo yo, I'm back with yet more angst. This piece is dedicated to my girl Elena, who's played a huge role in my writing over these past few months. Keep being a God.  
> It's taken me 7 months to write this and I planned to write a big long thing on why it's so significant but now I just want to let it speak for itself. Please read the tags.   
> Okay enjoy.

Soft winds ghost upon the rocky shore, nature's gentle wails a distant call to his haunted mind. Reddened ears poke from underneath pink hair while shrieks and laughter of joy and innocence echo within him. As a bitter wind wafts through the harsh Winter's air, thrashing the choppy waves before him, his frail frame rocks with chilled shivers and a soft whine elicits from between his chapped lips when the temperature drops abruptly, a shaking arm wrapping around his shivering form whilst another curls through his messy brown hair. As the shrieks of the children cease, something reminiscent of times elapsed hounds his mind with the grey skies, the harsh touches of the cold chilling his skin. He smiles, softly. Despite the bitter winds, the choppy waves crashing onto the shore whilst children run for desperate cover, he finds something calming amidst the chaos. He turns his gaze to the rocks, jagged stones of browns and greys, and allows himself a soft sigh as he remembers.  
This is where he met him.

There’s something redolent of a happier time amongst the scene. It seems much the same. The same skies of grey, same harsh winds hounding his tiny form, same calls of youth and glee wafting through the Winter’s air, yet he knows that his world is so different.

Three years ago, Byun Baekhyun turned around, eyes catching the soft browns of Do Kyungsoo. Today, as his shivering form faces the shore, he sees only the rocks, and the crumbling block of apartments overlooking the sea.

Facing the ocean once more, smells of sea salts invade his mind as the ocean’s air fills his lungs with each shaking breath. It reeks with familiarity, reminiscence of that day years ago, when his whole world changed.

_He stands on the shoreline, shaking hands stuffed into pockets of cotton warmth as he absentmindedly jumps to preserve his body heat. Soft brown eyes stare out to sea, a gentle smile ghosting upon his chapped lips as the clouds of grey begin to clear. His eyes droop shut as he stands in a blissful tranquillity, crashing waves the only sound echoing within his mind. There’s something soothing in the sounds. Such violent waves sound so gentle to his ears, the rise and fall of the ocean’s breaths oddly melodic to his mind of bliss. A clearing of someone’s throat draws him from his mind, freezing body abruptly turning to face the brave soul who had ventured towards the beach on a day of such chills._

_He feels his breath catch in his throat, stopped in its tracks by the man, – could he be but a man? He must be a sort of deity, an exquisite taste of the Heavens above – the one who stands before him, lithe frame shaking slightly under the bitter winds. Dark hair blows in the wind, soft locks flowing gently through the bitter air. Deep brown eyes, sensual and flowing with sympathy and gentleness, learnt over time, stare through his own eyes and into his very being. His skin seems to shine, coruscate like a golden gem, as though he spent his life beneath a forgotten sun. Every detail, every carefully carved fragment of this being, seems to fit together, like a perfect puzzle of contrast._

_“Oh my God,” he breathes, voice quivering with nerve and wonder. “I mean, hi. Hi, I'm Baekhyun.”_

_A soft smile dances across the man's lips, his eyes grazing over the boy before him. As they stand in deafening silence, seconds which seem like hours passing by with each sullen breath of the wind, Baekhyun's eyes momentarily droop, softly breathing in the raw salts of the ocean. His eyes snap open when the man’s voice rings above the winds. “Hi, love,” he smiles, tone dripping with smoothness and serenity._

_He draws a sharp breath, clutching at his chest as the heavenly being before him knocks the air out of his lungs, smooth voice blending with his flirtation and otherworldly beauty to mix a perfect elixir of infatuation. A soft smile flickers over the man’s lips, and Baekhyun reaches for the man, extending a shivering, woollen-clad hand towards him. The man seizes it, offering a firm handshake before he speaks._

_“My name is Kyungsoo,” he says._

_“Beautiful,” Baekhyun breathes. “The name, I mean.”_

_A soft smile flickers across Kyungsoo’s lips, face a perfect picture of grace and serenity. “Yours too,” he says. “But tell me, why are you here on such a cold day? You’ll catch your death.”_

_“You’re here too.”_

_“That’s true,” Kyungsoo laughs, “But I came for a reason. Did you?”_

_“I like the beach.” He pauses, words caught in his throat. “I like the sea, too, the waves. They help me to forget.”_

_Kyungsoo frowns. “Forget what?”_

_“Everything.”_

_“Everything? You’re having a tough time?”_

_Baekhyun shrugs. “Not really. But life can get too much sometimes.”_

_Kyungsoo gives a small smile, and Baekhyun once again feels himself thrown down a spiral of infatuation for the man before him. It’s almost stupid, he thinks, how someone could fall for another so quickly. It can’t have been more than two minutes that Kyungsoo has stood before him, and yet he feels his heart burn in a fire of blazing passion, a fire which had been left to die for so long, gradually fading and flickering, until but a spark remained, only to be lit once again by the man who had so easily stepped into his life._

_“I understand,” Kyungsoo says. “Forgive me, though, I’m being intrusive, I just… I saw you alone in the cold and thought you might be planning something.”_

_“Like what?”_

_He shrugs. “I didn’t think about what you’d be planning. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. You are, aren’t you?”_

_“Yeah, I’m okay. Like I said, I just come here to forget.”_

_“I’ll leave you to it, then,” Kyungsoo says with a smile. It doesn’t reach his eyes. “Go home if it gets too cold, okay Baek?”_

_Ignoring the lovestruck-screams of his mind at the nickname, Baekhyun nods, sad smile flickering across his lips. He doesn’t want Kyungsoo to leave. “I will, promise.”_

_Kyungsoo smiles once more, but his eyes are laced with melancholy. “Goodbye, Baekhyun. Maybe I’ll see you soon.”_

_“I’m here all week,” Baekhyun says, earning a laugh from the other._

_Kyungsoo nods. He seems to take one final look at Baekhyun’s face, before turning on his heel and walking away. “Oh, and Baekhyun?” he says, stopping in his tracks._

_Baekhyun perks up, feeling a flower of hope blossom deep within his heart. “Yes?”_

_“When you forget everything,” he says, “Don’t forget me. Don’t forget this.”_

_Baekhyun’s smile fades, fragmenting into a soft frown. He feels his hope, hope that Kyungsoo would come running into his arms, take him home, show him that life is not worth forgetting, float away, fade with the retreating steps of the other. But what did he expect? That a Godly man such as Kyungsoo would come dancing into his life, fall head-over-heels in a matter of minutes, and stay by his side until the end of time? That the life he tried so desperately to forget would be lifted from the ruins of despair by the man he had not known ten minutes ago? He scoffs slightly. He can now add “fool” to his infinite list of flaws._

_He smiles once more, but not a hint of happiness lies behind it. “I won’t,” he says, voice barely a whisper. “I’ll remember you, Kyungsoo.”_

_He smiles and turns once more. In that moment, Baekhyun wants nothing more than to chase after him, wrap his arms around him, beg him not to leave. But he doesn’t. He just stands there and watches. Watches as the man fades, falling into the chaos of the city as the waves behind him crash onto the shore around his feet._

_And so, his brief dalliance with hope was lost beneath the waves. As all things are._

The memory brings a smile to his face, aching nostalgia flooding his mind as the familiar waves crash beneath his feet. It seems so long ago, another life, perhaps, that he met him. It was almost like a fairytale, a cliche romance novel shoved to the back of the shelf for its fancy. And, though it is but a memory, he almost feels it. Feels Kyungsoo’s presence behind him, hears his voice echoing above the waves, sees the smile ghosting upon his lips as they bid their first goodbyes.

His eyes flutter closed, world turning to darkness as pictures of times gone by, times lost to the cruel hand of fate, blossom within his mind. They seem so real, so genuine, so… so there, it’s almost cruel. Cruel, how a world of joy, lifetimes of happiness, lie so close, and yet entirely out of reach. How Kyungsoo is close, oh so close, but so far away. How the life they are yet to live together is nothing but a dream, the grip of reality turning to a nightmare as Kyungsoo faded into nothing more than a memory.

He wants nothing more than to reach for him, reach for the man he knows is there, somewhere there, hold him once more, keep him in his embrace for all eternity. Wants to whisper in his ear, tell him how much he loves him, he missed him, wants to feel the soothing circles Kyungsoo always rubbed on his back as they embraced, to feel the ground slip from his feet as Kyungsoo lifts him up, carries him home to snuggle up and watch a movie. Wants to see Kyungsoo again. To love him again.

But he can’t. He doesn’t. 

When he opens his eyes, Kyungsoo is not beside him, staring out to sea in silent wonder. He doesn’t reach for Baekhyun’s hand, pull it into his own with a soft kiss. He doesn’t do anything. He’s not there.

Baekhyun is alone.

The arrival of a sudden wind, stronger, harsher than earlier, sends a shiver down Baekhyun’s spine as his body does slight jumps to warm itself up. He allows a soft sob to escape him. It floats through the air, lonely, ringing between the howls of the winds and the softening crashes of the waves. As it fades into silence, Baekhyun’s eyes close momentarily, jolting open in surprise at the shrieks of a bird soaring overhead. His eyes follow the free movement of the seagull, watching it soar into the distance, screams of joy echoing in his mind until they fade, fragmenting the beach into a familiar silence.

His eyes break away from the sky, gaze washing over the beach, staring at everything, at nothing. Deciding that his pitiful attempts at warmth have gone in vain, he sets off down the beach. 

And he walks, step after step after step, feeling each gust of wind, each gleeful scream of the birds above. He feels the loneliness of the sprawling beach, and yet he doesn't feel alone. The gusts of wind seem to soothe him, gently caress his cheeks as they swirl around him. The birds seem to sing to him, humming melodies of comfort, hope, melancholy as they soar above him. And, despite the familiar loneliness of the beach, he feels as though someone, something is with him, swallowing the beach with their presence, reaching for him as he so desperately reached for them in moments passed. 

It must be him. It has to be. It has to be. 

He wants to call for him, scream his name, hope, pray, beg for him to come home, fall to his knees in worship and misery, but he knows nothing will come of it. Nothing, except the bitter silence which has swallowed him whole months ago, as life and happiness went out like a light. 

So he just walks, basking in the bittersweet comforts of his lingering presence besides him. Walks until he reaches a familiar truck. An ice cream truck, to be precise. Dark blue, with “Wartle’s Sweet Treats” painted in a fading pink to match the red love hearts along the sides in clustered groups; seven in one big, two in another, then ten, then four, then nothing. His stomach churns in recognition at the sickly-sweet smell of ice cream wafting through the nearby air, while his mind jolts in recognition of something else entirely. 

_Weeks have passed since his dreamlike encounter, but it feels like far longer. Minutes pass like hours, days like a thousand years as his heart burns in craving for another day like that one, another encounter with hope, peace and joy in its human form. He returned to the beach each day, as per usual, but he did not stand in solitude, pushing unwelcome thoughts from his mind. Rather, he stood in waiting. Waiting for him. Waiting for anything, really._

_On this particular day, a cold Tuesday morning shrouded in rain, Baekhyun stands by the sea once again, feeling the gentle crashes of the waves against his boots. The birds scream overhead, shrieks of joy and freedom echoing within his mind until the fade into the noise of the ocean's call._

_His eyes flutter closed, nose running with the cold breathing in the scattered salts of the seas. Though he appears calm, tranquil, in meditation, perhaps, he is anything but; his mind is alight with flames of longing and fading hope. As the wind picks up, thrashing the rising waves around him until it begins to crash against his jeans, he steps back, turning to the sound of a childish symphony wandering through the air._

_In the near distance, a blue truck sits on the rocks, a line of eager children waving their pocket money weaving along the beach as children sprint towards it, leaving parents to helplessly watch as their children throw away cash for a sweet treat. It's a strange sight, especially considering the weather; normally, he'd be the only person in sight on such a day._

_He walks towards the truck, hand finding some change in his pocket, and he decides to go for it. One ice cream won't hurt. He rarely treats himself, anyway._

_He joins the back of the line, instantly catching the attention of the small girl in front of him._

_“You want ice cream, mister?” she asks, voice heavily accented._

_“Yes, I'm going to buy some,” he smiles._

_The girl nods, eyebrows creased as though deep in thought. “My name's Gabrielle. I'm from France.”_

_“My name's Baekhyun,” he says. “Your Korean is good, did you learn it?”_

_“My Mom's Korean,” Gabrielle explains. "I like your hair, it looks like a fairy!"_

_Baekhyun smiles. His hair, dyed to a soft pink and left messy upon his head, is a hit among children. He bends down to Gabrielle's level. "You wanna touch it?"_

_A wide grin washes over her and she places a few gentle pats on his head. "It's so cool! I want hair like that."_

_"Hm, I think you should ask your mom."_

_"I hope she says yes. I wanna be a fairy too!" She sings and Baekhyun laughs, standing back up to tower over the girl._

_"I think you'd make an excellent fairy," he says, before noticing that Gabrielle has reached the front of the line. "You enjoy your ice cream."_

_“You enjoy too, Mister Baekhyun.”_

_The line thins, breaking down until he is at the front. He slams his money onto the counter. “Chocolate, please. In a cone.”_

_The man smiles, taking the money into his hand and handing Baekhyun his ice cream. “Enjoy!” he sings._

_“Yeah,” Baekhyun mutters, taking a lick of the ice cream._

_He turns and walks to the back of the line, boots turning awkwardly in the jagged rocks scattered across this area of beach. He's about to head for his spot, wait for the man he knew would return, when his eyes catch a familiar gaze._

_Maybe fate does exist._

_A soft gasp escapes him, countless words begging to be spoken but getting caught in his scratched throat. His eyes look the man up and down, scarcely daring to believe he truly does stand before him, as he did those weeks ago. His mouth opens and closes, trying to speak, to say something, say anything, as words are swallowed down, seized by the grip of nerves until one escapes._

_“Kyungsoo,” he squeaks._

_Kyungsoo grins, and Baekhyun swears it’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. It shines, like the blazing sun which has become such a stranger in the bitter Winter months, and Baekhyun can’t help but smile, too. Must be infectious._

_“You didn’t forget me,” Kyungsoo says._

_“Of course I didn’t,” Baekhyun says, head shaking slightly as he speaks._

_A soft smile dances across Kyungsoo’s lips, eyes creasing slightly to match. “Well I’m glad you didn’t. Shall we walk?”_

_“Walk?” Baekhyun repeats, barely thinking the word through before it slips by him._

_“Yes, walk,” Kyungsoo confirms with a soft chuckle. “Or do you prefer to ponder in the same spot every day? Quite repetitive, but that works too.”_

_Baekhyun snorts. “I do not “ponder”. I forget. That’s the opposite.”_

_“My bad,” Kyungsoo laughs. “But you didn’t answer my question.”_

_“Your question?”_

_“Do you want to walk with me?”_

_“Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'd like that.”_

_“Good,” Kyungsoo says, slinging an arm around Baekhyun’s back and pulling the shivering boy towards him. “Let’s go.”_

_And they walk, shoes crunching into the rocks, along the wintry beach, sinking into their coats in an attempt to push out the blossoming cold of the site. No words are spoken, their short conversation having faded into silence when the journey began, but Baekhyun feels no sense of awkwardness. There are no thoughts clouding his mind, no words on the tip of his tongue, no questions tugging at him, waiting to be asked, nothing. Nothing except silence, laced with bliss and relief._

_The silence stays with them as they walk, harsh churns of the waves a distant sensation, calls of the birds nowhere to be found. Though children still run wild along the beach, their shrieks fall on deaf ears to the two. For them, there is no one else. It is only them._

_This must be a fairytale, Baekhyun thinks, or a dream. A beautiful dream, doomed to morph into a nightmare of reality when the inevitable comes and he wakes, alone in his bed, the deity beside him nothing more than a phantom of his mind._

_“I missed you.”_

_Baekhyun jumps slightly, surprised by Kyungsoo’s sudden statement. A soft smile washes over him at the thought — Kyungsoo missed him too, he’s not a deranged romantic, he’s not crazy, Kyungsoo didn't do this out of pity, Kyungsoo missed him — and he’s about to respond, tell Kyungsoo how much he missed him, too, he’s so glad he’s here, please never leave again, until the excitement fades into disappointment._

_If Kyungsoo missed him so much, why didn’t he come? Why did he wait two weeks, two weeks of loneliness and misery and hell, to see him again? Why did he put Baekhyun through such torment, fed by the thought that he would never see the man again, that he would fade into a memory? Why, why, why?_

_“You could have come the day after we met,” Baekhyun whispers. Kyungsoo’s face falls at his broken voice. “Or the next day. Or the next. Or the ne-”_

_“Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo interrupts, tone firm like a father scolding his son. “Stop.”_

_“Sorry,” Baekhyun mumbles._

_He must have sounded desperate, pathetic, even. Kyungsoo’s doing him a favour by merely noticing his poor soul._

_“I wanted to come, Baekhyun, but I couldn't,” Kyungsoo says, soft voice barely heard above the crashing waves hounding the rocky shore. “But I'm here now, that's what matters. I'm here.”_

_“I waited for you,” Baekhyun says. “Everyday I waited, hoping you'd come, but you… well, I guess I should be happy you're here now. You never said you'd come back, did you?”_

_“I wanted to come back, and I knew I would. But I didn't know how long it would be, so I didn't promise. I didn’t want to let you down.”_

_A group of shrieking children dash past him as he speaks, screams of glee ringing throughout the beach until they fade into the sounds of the sea. Baekhyun spots Gabrielle among the huddle. He waves at her as she runs past and she turns, flashing a small smile before turning to her friends and sprinting into the distance._

_“It's too cold for them today,” he says._

_"Hm?"_

_“The kids. It's too cold for them, they'll freeze.”_

_Kyungsoo chuckles. “I'm sure they'll be fine, they're all wrapped up warm.”_

_“Yeah,” Baekhyun whispers. “Yeah, they are.”_

_“Is the ice cream good?”_

_Taken aback by the sudden change in subject, Baekhyun hesitates. “It's okay,” he says, finally. “But it tastes a little bit… off.”_

_“Don't eat anymore, then. They might have done something to it.”_

_“A conspiracy?”_

_Kyungsoo laughs, giving a small shrug. “You can never be too careful.”_

_“You're a conspiracy theorist?” Baekhyun says to the loud laugh of his companion._

_“Not at all,” Kyungsoo says, “I'm just aware of the fact that corporations care more about money than people.”_

_“That’s true, I guess. But isn’t that their job?”_

_“Hm?”_

_“To make money.”_

_“Ah, yes. Yes, you’re right. Doesn’t excuse sheer greed, though.”_

_“Guess not,” Baekhyun mumbles, voice barely breaking a whisper._

_“Doesn't seem like you buy into these conspiracies, Baekhyun," Kyungsoo notes._

_"I don't really," Baekhyun says with a shrug, "I don't see the point of it. The world will still turn, whether Obama is an alien or not.”_

_A loud laugh breaks the bitter air, ringing out through the sprawling beach. "You're right," Kyungsoo says between laughs. "They're still interesting, though."_

_"Mhm. You can peddle your conspiracies on me if you like, anytime."_

_"Thanks, Baek," Kyungsoo chuckles._

_His words hang in the air before slowly melting into the silence, replaced by the distant crashes of the waves upon the shore. A soft smile graces Baekhyun's lips, mind focusing on the soft crunches bore from his steps across scattered stones. He sneaks a glance at Kyungsoo and almost jumps out of his skin when he's met with Kyungsoo's eyes staring into his own._

_"Were you looking at me the whole time?" he yelps._

_"The whole time you were looking away? Yes, I was."_

_"Jesus Christ, you scared the shit out of me," Baekhyun whines. "I'm easily scared, you know."_

_“I noticed.”_

_“Oh shut up, old man,” Baekhyun huffs._

_“You shut up, midget.”_

_Baekhyun snorts, eyes rolling to the back of his head at the casual jab. “I’m taller than you.”_

_Kyungsoo chuckles, pulling Baekhyun towards his embrace and planting a kiss upon his head. “For now.”_

_His words fall into silence, the two standing in wordless companionship until Kyungsoo spots the ice cream still held in Baekhyun's hands._

_“Are you still eating that ice cream?" the man asks in disbelief, turning a glaring eye to the ice cream._

_"I paid for it."_

_"Yeah, that and an added bonus of food poisoning," Kyungsoo says._

_Baekhyun scoffs. He's barely raised the ice cream to his lips before it's snatched from his hands._

_Giving a scream of horror, he reaches for the ice cream once more, a move which is quickly hindered by Kyungsoo's other hand firmly gripping his arm._

_"You are not having that ice cream," Kyungsoo says._

_"Watch me."_

_"No, you're not getting food poisoning on my watch. I swear there's something fishy about that ice cream truck."_

_"Come on, please?"_

_"No. I'll buy you an ice cream from somewhere else, but this one, this is going in the trash."_

_Baekhyun groans. "Kyungsoo, I'll destroy you."_

_Kyungsoo laughs, pulling Baekhyun by the arm to the edge of the beach before dumping the ice cream in the bin. "Try me."_

_"You are impossible, you know that?"_

_"I am well aware of that fact, yes."_

_"You must not do very well with the girls," Baekhyun says to a soft hum from the other._

_"What makes you think I like girls?"_

_Baekhyun stops. His good karma must finally be catching up to him. "So you… don't?"_

_"I do not," Kyungsoo confirms. "I tried my luck with them a few years ago, but after the amount of drinks which were thrown in my face, I decided I'd be better off with men."_

_"So you're gay because girls don't like you."_

_"No, but girls not liking me made me realise that I didn't like them, either. I had no idea how they worked. Plus they were vastly uninteresting."_

_Baekhyun hums. "I'm gay too."_

_"I figured that out the first time we met."_

_"How?"_

_"Because you looked at me like I was the only thing in the world."_

_"Oh."_

_"And that is about the extent of the romance you can expect me."_

_Baekhyun gives a loud laugh. "As much as I like romance," he says, "Your love alone is enough for me."_

_"Cheesy."_

_"That's me."_

_A few minutes pass, drenched in silence but harbouring not a moment's awkwardness. Something about Kyungsoo's presence, wordless or brimming with conversation, is comforting. It puts him at peace, calms him down. Makes him feel that all is right in the world._

_Baekhyun is about to speak when the temperature drops suddenly, plunging the beach into violent winds to match the rain beginning to fall from the sky. Kyungsoo gives a loud groan and pulls Baekhyun into his chest. "I'll take you home," he says. It's not a request._

_Baekhyun nods and allows Kyungsoo to lead him to his car, a sleek black Maserati wedged between two poorly parked pickup trucks. Unlike the trucks, Kyungsoo parked perfectly, almost as if he had measured the space beforehand to ensure he was in the exact middle._

_Baekhyun proposes the theory to Kyungsoo, who gives a soft laugh and a pack to Baekhyun's cheek. "Sadly, I'm not enough of a nerd to do that," he says. "Nor am I a person with nearly enough time. In fact, this was a rushed job."_

_"My rushed parking usually involves a casualty and a lawsuit," Baekhyun says._

_Kyungsoo laughs and gently pushes Baekhyun through the door leading to the passenger seat. Sitting down in his seat, Baekhyun feels himself melt into the material, black leather with a red blanket draped across it. Kyungsoo climbs into the driver's seat and sends a small smile Baekhyun's way. "You like the car, hm?"_

_Baekhyun nods. "Turn to hot seat on, though, my ass is freezing."_

_Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, reaches for the hot seat button and switching it up to the max. The warmth comes moments later, as they pull onto the main road beneath small billboards and curtains pulled tight over apartment windows. They drive in near silence, the only sound the distant chatter of the pedestrians and Kyungsoo's occasional sigh when someone cuts him off. When they reach Baekhyun's house, he pushes himself over to Kyungsoo and plants a small kiss on his cheek._

_"Thanks for the ride, Soo."_

_Kyungsoo smiles. "Anytime."_

_Baekhyun nods. A soft smile is etched onto his face as he watches Kyungsoo pull out of his parking space and ride into the distance. He turns around and retreats into his apartment, sleepy smile still ghosting upon his lips as he floats into dreamland._

_Two days later, Kyungsoo picks up the phone to the sound of Baekhyun throwing up his guts._

_“They did something to the ice cream.”_

The mere sight of the truck sends a sickness washing over him. Memories of hours spent wasting away in bed, days melting away into daytime TV shows and spilt mugs of tea come back to him with the sight. He feels that day, which seems a lifetime ago, yet lies but a few years in the past, feels it around him. Feels the gentle touches of the man ghosting upon his pale skin, feels Kyungsoo's breath hot on his neck as he whispered words of comfort in his ear. Hears the meaningless babble of the rotating set of poorly thought-out characters echoing around the room; the distant beeps of the microwave inviting Kyungsoo to remove a mug of hot chocolate; the rushing waters, soft clanging of the neighbours’ boiler that he's sure was on it last leg. 

He feels everything. Every moment, every sound, every sight, every faded touch upon his shivering form. Everything. 

Fuck, he wants to feel it again. 

But he can't. The day is gone. The feeling's gone. Kyungsoo is gone. 

“Remember this, Soo?” he whispers. “Wartle’s Sweet Food Poisoning? I didn't even know you could get food poisoning from ice cream. But you did. Probably. You always knew that stuff”

He knows he won't respond. Of course he won't. It's stupid, moronic to think he will. But when the beach falls into nothingness, words melting into a torturous silence, his heart drops. Some part of himself, deep within his mind, still clings to the shred of hope in denial lingering within, still holds out hope for a response, a sign that Kyungsoo is there, that he's listening, he's not really gone. 

It doesn't come. It never does.

He doesn't even care at this point. He knows Kyungsoo won't respond, learnt that over and over again, but he doesn't care. He needs this.

He needs the questionable comforts bore from the hope that maybe, just maybe, Kyungsoo can hear him. That he's watching, listening, trying so hard to break through the barrier which Baekhyun has fought against time and time again. 

So he talks. Talks until his head is clear of untold truths, worries, secrets he needed to tell his lover. And he hopes, prays that Kyungsoo that hear him. Dares to dream that he'll respond. 

“I never bought from an ice cream truck after that day, you know. All your corporate conspiracies got to my head so I just stopped. I don't think I ever told you that. You would've been proud, I hope.”

It’s meaningless chatter, stupid conversations that likely would have gone on for hours had Kyungsoo been around, would've somehow stemmed from ice-cream trucks to politics to “you'll never guess what that stupid bitch Angela did today” to the realisation that Kyungsoo had somehow pocket dialed Angela who was now getting an earful of the shit-talking, to the “oh God, how am I supposed to face her tomorrow? No, I can't just avoid her, Baekhyun, she's my boss.”

Like the circle of life. The circle of conversation at the ByunDo residence. 

Today, the circle remains dormant, left untouched by the growing loneliness of its only remaining creator. And until Baekhyun joins Kyungsoo wherever he may be, it will remain that way. 

“Can you hear me, Kyungsoo?” Baekhyun asks. “Answer me, love, please.”

Silence.

“I hate the silence. You know I hate it. So break it, talk to me, please. Did I tell you I stopped buying ice cream? Had you heard that before? Did I tell you how hard that was for me? Do you remember the truck? Of course you do. You remember it, right? God, please answer me, fuck, please, just tell me, show me you're there, you're listening. Please. Please.”

He feels himself spiraling, tears tugging at the corners of his eyes as a breakdown looms above him. He doesn't care, doesn't care how it'll look to have a public breakdown over an ice cream truck, doesn't care about anything. It doesn't matter. All that matters is that Kyungsoo is there with him. That he can hear him. That he responds.

He doesn't. 

And it's cold. Too cold. So cold that Kyungsoo would've dragged him home by how, wrapped him up in a blanket and shoved a mug of hot chocolate into Baekhyun's hand with the look on his face that he knows means “no discussion. Drink." And he would've drank it and curled into Kyungsoo's arms, the opening theme to whatever cheesy romance movie Kyungsoo had chosen fading into a lullaby as he falls asleep in the man's warm embrace.

He needs to get away from this goddamn truck. Everything about it makes him sick; the smell, the sight, the sounds blending together to mix a perfect elixir of devastation. He can’t stay here. So he doesn’t.

And so he walks. To where, he doesn’t know. A cafe, perhaps? A park? A shop? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe he’s going nowhere, boarding the train of emptiness as he’d done so many times before, each journey fed with a dying grain of hope which slowly dissipated as he watched, waited for someone, something to come and lift him from the dark hole in which he felt eternally trapped, dying hope fading into nothing as loneliness swallowed him once more.

Hours seem to pass, melting into his journey of despair as he walks an endless journey of misery, silence which was once so peaceful, so welcomed, a bitter reminded of his loneliness. It wasn’t hours, in fact, it was only minutes, but they seemed to drag on for so long he can barely remember a time without them. But there’s nothing else for him here, and so he forces himself to drown in their embrace, fragmented hope fading into nothing as the minutes stretch out.

Is there any escape? Could he ever walk on this beach, which had grown into a second home before the era of Do Kyungsoo, and feel the same bliss he had before Kyungsoo’s departure? Could he ever breathe the sea air, watch the birds soar into the heavens, and tear his mind from the man who resides there, who would have pointed each bird out to Baekhyun and tell him facts about seagulls he really ought not to know? Could he ever do anything, enjoy anything, feel anything, knowing the man who helped him to learn, love, feel was gone, soul flying with the birds he knew so much about?

He doesn’t realise he’s stopped walking until he feels the waves creep across his feet. He must of stopped a few minutes ago, somewhere deep in thought, for his shoes are already considerably soaked. A sigh of frustration escapes him as he feels the water pooling in his shoes. Great. That’s just what he needed today. A bath, given so generously by the freezing waters of the ocean.

Cursing every creature under the sun, he slides the soaking shoes off his feet, tipping them upside down to let the water fall to the ground. Once they’re empty, he goes to slip them back on his feet, until he notices his socks, now tainted by the mark of the sea. 

Purple, fluffy socks, riddled with puppies and love hearts. His favourite pair, a gift from Kyungsoo. He can still see Kyungsoo’s eager eyes as Baekhyun tore open the wrapping.

_“I got you something.”_

_Looking up from his book, a wide smile breaks onto Baekhyun’s face when he sees Kyungsoo in the doorway, fidgeting with a small, gift-wrapped package held in shaking hands._

_“What is it?” Baekhyun asks._

_“You’ll see,” Kyungsoo says with a smile._

_Walking over to the sofa, he plops down next to the boy, who is curled up under a tartan blanket, feet poking out from underneath. Baekhyun sits up and sets the book down beside him. “Can I open it?”_

_“Of course,” Kyungsoo says quietly, handing the package to the other._

_Muttering a soft “thank you”, Baekhyun carefully unwraps the gift until it reveals a little pair of purple, puppy-clad socks. He’s never seen something fluffier in his life. His fingers trace over it carefully and he looks up and Kyungsoo, who watches him with a nervous grin._

_“Do you like it? I saw it in the shops yesterday and thought you’d like it. I know how much you love puppies, well, I can see that.” He gestures to the multiple puppy-themed items scattered across Baekhyun’s apartment, where they had retreated after retrieving some medicine for Baekhyun._

_He’d made a remarkably quick recovery from the weekend’s food poisoning fiasco, but Kyungsoo was reluctant to leave him until he was fully recovered. He’d stayed with him for the whole weekend, only leaving his side to make food and retrieve medicine._

_“I love it,” Baekhyun smiles._

_In reality, they’re ugly, and if anyone else had given him the socks, they would already be in the bin. But Baekhyun can’t help but love the socks, thanks to the person who gave them to him, especially considering the way his smile widens when he hears the words, eyes crinkling from the happy grin._

_He’s almost offensively beautiful, so beautiful that if Baekhyun didn’t love him, he’d hate him._

_He loves him. They haven’t said it yet, it’s only been a few days, and Baekhyun isn’t even sure if they’re dating, but he feels it. Knows it. Knows it from the way his heart flutters when he sees Kyungsoo, the way he can’t help but laugh when Kyungsoo does, the way he forces himself to watch Kyungsoo’s thriller movies when he’d much rather be watching Disney, the way Kyungsoo’s words of comfort instantly put him at ease, everything really. Everything about Kyungsoo makes Baekhyun happy. He hasn’t felt happy in a long time._

_He wants to tell Kyungsoo he loves him, ask him to officially be his, but he can’t. Not yet. It’s too soon, and, despite Kyungsoo’s loving nature, he feels rejection creping around the corner, should he admit his feelings._

_Little does he know, the words are on the tip of Kyungsoo’s tongue, too._

_But in this moment, no confessions of love hang in the air. Instead, the next best thing comes from Kyungsoo’s mouth as Baekhyun slips the fluffy socks onto his feet._

_“Will you be mine, Baekhyun?”_

_Baekhyun almost falls out his seat. He’s said the word “yes” before Kyungsoo can even blink._

_“Really?” Kyungsoo looks surprised. “I thought it might be too soon, maybe I should’ve made a big deal out of it, but I’m not very romanti-”_

_“Romance,” Baekhyun interrupts, curling into Kyungsoo’s lap, “is for nerds.”_

It’s almost funny, the sudden wave of confidence that washed over him once Kyungsoo was his. Ten seconds beforehand, it would’ve taken years to work up the courage to take Kyungsoo’s hand, but in that moment, he curled into his lap without a second’s thought. It was a welcome move, though, for Kyungsoo allowed the boy to snuggle into his chest, pulled him closer and allowed the night to waste away in his warm embrace. It was surprisingly comfortable, like they were made for each other, two puzzle pieces destined to be found and put together.

They fell asleep around ten that night. At least, Baekhyun did. Kyungsoo, on the other hand, fell asleep around 10:30, and took great pleasure in recreating Baekhyun’s soft snores with much exaggeration, an aspect of said recreation which he fervently denied.

A soft smile reaches him at the memory. It's so clear, so vivid he can almost feel it, could close his eyes and feel himself there, hear Kyungsoo's loud, obnoxious snores, interrupted by his loud laughter as Baekhyun playfully hits him, see his boyfriend's eyes roll to the back of his head as he throws his head back in preparation for a particularly loud snore, feel his body rocking with laughter at the calm, mature man breaking character to imitate his boyfriend. 

And then he would open his eyes, and see nothing.

A loud laugh rings out between howling winds, but it is not a laugh of humour, nor of joy. It reeks only of bitterness and rage, sheer, pent-up rage, left to simmer over months of loneliness, still boiling and growing with each second that melts into the bottomless pit of melancholy. 

Fuck this. Fuck this. He shouldn't come, he knew it was a bad idea, such a bad idea, a stupid idea, it would only cause him more heartache and he knew it, but he couldn't stop himself, couldn't stop himself from getting on the bus, pressing the stop button when the beach came into view, walking down to the rocky shore, throwing himself into a pool of misery. He's so stupid. So fucking stupid, it hurts. Everything hurts. 

He can't stop another laugh from coming. Can't stop the next one, or the next, or the next, until he's fallen to the ground in a fit of miserable laughter. He must look so pathetic, sitting in the rocks, laughing until tears roll down his cheeks, meaningless chatter woven between loud laughs, bare feet fiddling in the shallow waves creeping up his legs and into the soaking pair of socks clutched in his hands. But he doesn't care. Who are they to judge, who is anyone to judge him? They know nothing of his life, of his eternal struggle against fate and the monster which manifests itself in grief. They don't know anything. They are merely background characters, faceless figures scattered into his harrowing tale of heartache. 

The laughter dies down, slowly dwindling until the soft giggles and tear-streaked cheeks are the only remnants of his erratic outburst. He picks himself up from the ground, slipping his shoes back on and shoving the socks into his pocket. The bottom of his jeans are soaking, but he doesn't mind, it's not like he could take them off anyway. So he walks away, as he's done so many times before. 

He's probably going to get a cold from this.The minutes which have passed and the hours yet to elapse, all drenched in wind and freezing water, will surely have him curled up in bed, shivering and coughing, by the end of the week, if he manages until then. He should go home, knows he should, shouldn't have even come. Kyungsoo surely would have scolded him for coming in this weather. Baekhyun wouldn't be surprised if the man rose from the dead to force him home and tuck him into bed between mutters of how stupid and irresponsible he had been. But he won't, and Baekhyun knows that.

“Pull yourself together,” he mutters. "You can't get sick. There's no one to take care of you now." 

His trek down the beach continues, the calls of the waves dying down, drowned out by the countless cars and buses pouring into the nearby streets. The streets aren't usually so busy, especially not the run-down, pothole ridden road which guards the beach. There must be some event on. A market, maybe, or a festival. Or maybe the main road which runs a couple hundred feet away is closed. 

It doesn't really matter, does it? Nothing matters.

The distant blur of noise, roars of the engines blended with crashing waves and far off shouts, fade into a soft hum. They seem so far away, like a memory slowly slipping from his fingers, so insignificant, a speck of dust upon the mammoth kingdom of time and of life. 

His eyes glaze over the tangled chaos of the street, dancing over cars, people, stories he will never be told, his focus set on the scene yet not really picking up on anything. 

Until he spots it, nestled between a bookshop and a café. The Aquarium. Unchanged, exactly as it was those years ago. All the same. 

The same plastic dolphin, sky blue, guarding the front entrance and surely visible for miles. The same bright neon sign, flashing pink letters advertising the sale on tickets they have so often it can hardly be considered a sale. The same blue carpet leading to the front door, strewn with sandy footprints courtesy of beach goers desperate to see their infinite collection of weird and wonderful fish. And, somehow, it seems to be the exact same guard who had let him and Kyungsoo in with a wink and a tip of his hat. 

_A distant tunes floats through the air, weaving between the steady ticks of the clock until it fades into the loud shriek of a grieving TV character. When the hurried practice of the jazz band upstairs gets louder, drowning out the show, Baekhyun huffs, reaching for the remote and turning it up to full volume. That'll show them._

_He doesn't particularly care for this show, in fact, he couldn't even tell you its name. It is merely a tool in his eternal game of Let's See Who Can Make the Most Noise Before Someone Gives Up or Dies, a game of which he is the undisputed champion._

_"Jesus fuck, turn it down, will you?" Comes a familiar shout from the doorway._

_Baekhyun jumps, a loud scream ripped from his throat as he whips around to face the door._

_"Will you stop creeping up on me?" he whines, turning back around and crossing his arms over his chest._

_Kyungsoo chuckles, a tiny grin flickering across his lips. "Did I scare you?" he asks gently._

_"Obviously," Baekhyun sulks._

_"Sorry, Baek," Kyungsoo says, sitting down next to Baekhyun's sulking form and pulling him into his embrace. "I didn't mean to."_

_"It's fine," Baekhyun sighs, "just don't do it again."_

_Kyungsoo smiles and presses a kiss to Baekhyun's head. "I won't, I promise."_

_Baekhyun hesitates, soft smile flickering across his lips with a shy shrug. "Pinky promise?" he suggests, soft pout on his lips and his finger reached out, waiting to seal the deal._

_A soft chuckle rings through the air before Kyungsoo interlocks his finger with Baekhyun's. "Pinky promise."_

_"You have to say it."_

_"I just did."_

_"No, no, not that, more than that. You have to say, pinkie promise I will never scare Baekhyun."_

_Kyungsoo nods, the corners of his lips twitching in a fond smile. "I pinkie promise that I will never scare Baekhyun. Is that okay?"_

_"Yes. Now, make it official."_

_"How?"_

_Baekhyun taps his cheek with a cheeky grin. "Kiss me."_

_"Happily."_

_The kiss flashes by in a heartbeat, the feeling of Kyungsoo's soft lips lingering on his cheek long after they leave. A soft smile washes over Baekhyun's face. This must be heaven at last._

_Kyungsoo stands from the sofa, a smile etched onto his face, too. "Ready to leave?"_

_"Ready to what now?"_

_"We're going on a date."_

_"Since when?"_

_"Since now. That's what boyfriends do, Baekhyun, they go on dates."_

_Baekhyun nods. "Okay then, where are we going?"_

_Kyungsoo hesitates, eyebrows scrunching in thought before a smile flickers across his lips. "The Aquarium. Then the supermarket."_

_"Why the supermarket?"_

_"I want to watch the lobsters fight in the lobster tank."_

_Baekhyun snorts. "Old news. But okay, let's do it."  
_______________

_"Two regular admission tickets, please."_

_The receptionist looks up from the computer, stern face breaking into a smile when she sees the two standing before her, armed with money and cameras._

_"25000 Won, please," she says, muttering a small thanks when Kyungsoo slides the money over the table. "Okay, two adult tickets for regular admission, yes?"_

_"Yes, please."_

_"You don't want the VIP ticket? It comes with a tour and a free dolphin plushie!"_

_"No thanks. Regular admission, please."_

_"You don't want to touch the starfish?"_

_Baekhyun huffs. "No, we do not want to touch the starfish. Give us the tickets, please, I want to see the stingrays."_

_The woman gives a small sigh before handing the men their tickets and a guide, a dark blue booklet decorated with a legion of sea creatures of varying familiarity to the two. With the mutterings of soft thanks and the women's reminder not to use flash photography, they set off through the doors leading to the aquarium._

_The doors clang shut behind them, the laughs of the families and gaggles of teenagers gathering in reception cut off by the shark-decorated doors and the soft rushing of the waters running through the tanks. They're in a tunnel, but not an ordinary one. A tunnel of glass, every corner teeming with flowing waters and a colourful array of sea creatures, from the clownfish floating above them to the colourful but unrecognisable fish darting along the sides and beneath the glass floor. Lights are scattered along the tunnel, illuminating the gentle waters which cast a spectacle of light across the room._

_They're alone, in their own world among flowing waters and living their lives on repeat, perfectly still and silent in contrast to the darting movements of the fish and the distant laughter and yells from the next room. Baekhyun feels Kyungsoo's hand intertwine with his and gives it a small squeeze. His head rests on Kyungsoo's shoulder, his eyes fluttering closed to the distant lullaby of the waters. It's a picture of tranquility. Or, it was, until Baekhyun felt a sharp hand dig into his back. His eyes snap open and he turns, scowl etched onto his lips, to face the perpetrator, a teenage boy riddled with acne and draped in all black._

_"Move it, lover boys, I want to see the sharks," he demands._

_"Watch your tone, kid," Kyungsoo says, voice calm but dripping with anger._

_The boy rolls his eyes. "You're not my Mom, you can't tell me what to do."_

_"Oh really? Watch me," Baekhyun snarls._

_"I suggest you walk past and stop bothering us," Kyungsoo says. "Unless you want trouble, that is."_

_"Are you threatening me?"_

_Kyungsoo smiles. "Yes. Now, go and see the sharks."_

_With a muttered insult, mixed in with a slur or two, the boy pushes past them and trudges through the tunnel, not even looking at the fish who call the space home. When he leaves, the split-second of noise bore from opening the door to the next room fading into nothingness, Kyungsoo turns to Baekhyun and plants a soft kiss on the other's forehead._

_"Sorry about that," he says, gentle hand brushing a Baekhyun's hair out his eyes. "Don't worry about that moron."_

_"Who said I'm worrying? I'm fine."_

_"Okay," Kyungsoo says. He sounds as if he doubts it. "Have you had enough of this tunnel yet? Do you want to go somewhere else?"_

_"In a minute," Baekhyun says with a peaceful sigh. "It's peaceful in here. Sort of disturbing, but still, peaceful."_

_Kyungsoo frowns. "Disturbing? How so?"_

_"Well, fish are supposed to live in the ocean, aren't they? These ones are kept in a tank their whole lives. Most of them were born here. They belong in the ocean, but they'll never know it, they'll just… swim in circles. Again and again, until they die."_

_"That's pretty depressing."_

_"But it's true."_

_"I didn't expect this date to turn so dark so soon," Kyungsoo says with a laugh._

_Baekhyun grins, a soft giggle escaping his lips. "I'm full of surprises."_

_They stand there for a while longer, letting moments fade away, watching the fish swim amongst flowing waters and shimmering lights, the sounds of the water and the other people fading into background noise as minutes melt into each other's arms. A picture of peace and tranquility, a forgotten masterpiece carved from the familiar chaos of a world so far away. Everything and nothing, the chaos and the calm, the tangled noise and the silence, mixed into one, unknown to all except those who feel its gentle touch._

_There are other people now, but they don't know. They do not hear their distant chatter, the secrets passed between gossiping children clad in matching dresses. They do not see the legion of visitors coming and going, weaving around the motionless couple with judging mutters bore from their exaggerated struggles to get past the two. They don't feel the soft nudges of the crowd as the tunnel fills with visitors, don't feel the curious touches of the toddler whose mind was struck with fascination for Kyungsoo's leather shoes and took to hammering against them like a drum before her mother rushed her away with panicked apologies and a promise not to bother anything._

_For, despite the tangled chaos, the chatter and shrieks of the crowd, they feel peaceful, and very much alone. Their little taste of heaven, among fish who swim in search of freedom, but find only the walls._

_When Baekhyun's mind is slowly drawn back to reality, his hand slips from Kyungsoo's with a soft smile. "Let's leave," he whispers. "This tunnel is getting depressing."_

_"You already made it depressing," Kyungsoo says. "But okay, we'll see what else is here."_

_Whilst moments slipped by in their trance or adoration, the crowd had thinned, allowing the two a clear path out of the tunnel and into the next room, a colossal tank packed with tiny fish who surely live in harmony with the shark advertised all over the world. The shimmering lights of the tank illuminate the room, a dimly-lit auditorium with rows of seating scattered across the floor in preparation for the talks given by the workers every hour or so. No workers are here now, though. Instead, heaps of teenagers and families have piled in and filled up the seating, their loud whispers of anticipation the only sound heard above the waters._

_Minutes melt into frantic mutterings, now clashing with the loud chanting of "shark, shark, shark" from the group of young boys huddled together at the front. The auditorium sits in an excited silence until the shark weaves its way out of hiding and floats absentmindedly across the tank to the loud cheers of the spectators. The couple, who have taken a seat next to a teenage girl draped in a white dress, watch the shark with fascination, eyes wide with curiosity for the being._

_"That," Baekhyun says, "is a massive shark."_

_Kyungsoo laughs. "There are bigger ones in the ocean."_

_"Well, yeah, but this one's pretty big," Baekhyun says. "Bigger than you at least."_

_"Everything is bigger than me."_

_A soft giggle escapes Baekhyun and he leans over to Kyungsoo, planting a soft kiss on the man's cheek. "Cute."_

_"Oh no," Kyungsoo groans. "I am not cute."_

_"Shut up, you're adorable. Like a little baby."_

_"Source?"_

_"Me. I'm the source."_

_"You are an unreliable source. You are the human equivalent of Wikipedia."_

_"Oh, really?" Baekhyun scoffs. "Well you are the human equivalent of, um, of stupid."_

_Kyungsoo snorts. "Dumbass."_

_"I'm your dumbass."_

_Kyungsoo chuckles, pulling the boy into his embrace and planting the millionth kiss on his head. "That you are."_

_Once the novelty of the shark has worn off, sending the crowd shuffling into the next exhibit, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo follow suit, hand in hand between gaggles of families and couples. Walking into the next room, they find themselves blocked from a perfect view by the sea of heads towering above their Own. Moments later, the perfect solution arises._

_"Lift me," Baekhyun commands, turning to his boyfriend._

_Confusion etched onto his face, Kyungsoo takes Baekhyun into his arms. "Why?"_

_"To see what's in here," Baekhyun explains. "Since we're too short to see ourselves."_

_Kyungsoo nods, a small "ah" leaving his lips before he lifts the other into the air. Baekhyun's eyes scan the area before he wriggles out of Kyungsoo's grip and plops down onto the floor._

_"It's stingrays," Baekhyun says. "Those big grey pancakes."_

_"Excellent description," Kyungsoo says with mock applause. "Are you an author?"_

_Baekhyun glares. "No. Are you?"_

_When the question left his lips, it was a mediocre comeback to Kyungsoo's mocking query, but upon the final word, he realises that he doesn't actually know what Kyungsoo does. It was always referred to as "work"._

_"I'm not, actually," Kyungsoo says._

_"So, uh, what are you then?" Baekhyun asks, a fruitless attempt at subtlety._

_"You don't know?"_

_"You never told me."_

_"I'm a professor."_

_"Mm, a professor. That's hot," Baekhyun says with a nod of approval. "What do you teach?"_

_"First of all, I know. Second of all, I teach English literature. In other words, my job is to take 200 high schoolers of varying degrees of pretentiousness and force them to argue interpretation until their lives become-"_

_"A permanent cycle of eat, sleep, argue the true message of an old English novel that no one cares about, repeat," Baekhyun interrupts with a smile. "I studied English lit too."_

_Kyungsoo nods. "Explains a lot."_

_"I feel like you're calling me out on something, but I don't know what."_

_Kyungsoo smiles. "Ignorance is bliss, my love."_

_Baekhyun's heart flutters at the nickname. He ignores it. "You're lucky you're so cute."_

_"As are you, Byun Baekhyun. Else I'd pound you into the ground."_

_"Well, you're welcome to pound me any da- ow!" His sentence is interrupted by Kyungsoo's hand, which gives a joking slap to the back of his neck._

_"Watch it," Kyungsoo says, struggling to hold back a laugh. "There are kids here."_

_"Fight me, Do Kyungsoo."_

_"Happily," Kyungsoo says. "Wait, wait, you said you studied English lit, right?"_

_Baekhyun hums, still rubbing the back of his neck._

_"Well, what do you do now?"_

_Baekhyun gives a small sigh, eyes trained to the ground. "Nothing, really. Just a boring old office job while I try and raise the funds to go back to uni and become a teacher."_

_"What do you want to teach?"_

_"English literature is the dream. But I'll probably just end up tutoring, helping kids learn the quotes from Hamlet and that."_

_"To be or not to be," Kyungsoo recites robotically. "That is the question."_

_"Actually, the question is, how accurate is my impression of a stingray?"_

_Kyungsoo barely has time to ask what in the hell Baekhyun means before the boy has raced over to one of the tanks and began breathing like the stingrays. It looks stupid. He loves it._

_"10/10," Kyungsoo says with a thunderous applause. "You have such a gift. Can I have your autograph?"_

_Baekhyun grins, strutting over to Kyungsoo and letting himself fall into his arms. "For a price."_

_"What's the price?"_

_A wide grin washes over Baekhyun's face. In a heartbeat, their faces are close enough for Baekhyun to see every detail of the other's face, every soft freckle scattered across his cheeks, the glimmer in his eyes, the faint pores on his nose (which would be his only flaw, if it weren't for the fact that they somehow looked nice on the man), everything. He leans in further, their lips almost touching before Baekhyun pulls away and leans to whisper in Kyungsoo's ear._

_"I want your wallet."_

_A loud whine escapes Kyungsoo's lips as he pushes the giggling boy away, landing a gentle hit on his arm. "Fuck you," he says. "I thought we were about to have our first kiss!"_

_"So did I," Baekhyun says. "Until I felt the wallet in your back pocket."_

_"Okay, so many questions. First of all, why were you feeling my back pocket?"_

_"Because you have a nice ass," Baekhyun says bluntly. "And I refuse to deny myself the simple pleasures in life."_

_"Simple pleasures such as feeling my ass."_

_"Right."_

_"I take it that will become a common occurrence in this relationship?"_

_"That is correct."_

_"And am I allowed to touch your ass in return?"_

_"It would be an honour."_

_Giving a loud laugh, Kyungsoo shoves Baekhyun off of him, grasping the other's hand and pulling him towards another tank of stingrays. He secretly pulls his phone out of his pocket._

_"Do your impression again," he commands._

_Baekhyun's eyes light up at the request, a wicked grin creeping onto his face as he turns to face the stingrays, eyes seeming to scan the creatures and examine their every movement. He turns around, face jumping into the impression and, before he has time to protest, Kyungsoo has pounced on him with his phone and snapped a picture._

_"Hey!" he screams, reaching for the phone which Kyungsoo easily holds out of his reach. "Delete that!"_

_"Never," Kyungsoo grins._

_"Why did you take that?"_

_"You looked so cute. And, like you, I refuse to deny myself the simple pleasures in life."_

_"Such as my stingray impression."_

_"Precisely."_

_Baekhyun huffs. "Fine, you don't have to delete it. But you're not allowed to film me ever again. Promise?"_

_"Absolutely not," Kyungsoo says. "I'm going to film our every moment, so that I can keep you with me forever and ever."_

_"That would be cute if I wasn't pissed with you right now."_

_"Your anger will disappear eventually. Then you can appreciate what a good boyfriend I am."_

_"Dare to dream, Mr. Do," Baekhyun grumbles. "Okay, I'm done with the stingrays. Dolphins?"_

_"They have dolphins here?"_

_"They wouldn't base their entire brand around them if they didn't," Baekhyun says, referring to the pictures of dolphins scattered all over the place to accompany the giant dolphin set outside._

_Kyungsoo gives a soft hum, gaze drifting from Baekhyun and onto the stingrays floating around the tanks. Baekhyun follows his gaze and gives a soft smile when he sees the object of the man's fascination._

_"Poor things," he sighs. "Even more creatures who have never seen freedom."_

_"Deep," Kyungsoo says with a nod, "but they tend to live longer in captivity."_

_Baekhyun shrugs. "I'd take a short life of freedom over a long life without any day."_

_"Even deeper."_

_"That's what she said," Baekhyun giggles with a wicked grin, "but my point still stands."_

_A soft laugh slips from Kyungsoo's lips, eyes turning back to face the boy, who is now tugging on his hand and pulling him towards the next room. Kyungsoo stumbles slightly, losing his footing under Baekhyun's sudden movements._

_"Hey, hey, slow down there," he yells, arms flailing about as his feet are dragged from beneath him._

_His words fall on deaf ears to the boy, his loud protest calling on the attention on the other visitors but never reaching the person it was meant for, who continues to pull him through the room, past the twinkling lights of the shimmering waters and the legion of creatures within. When Baekhyun has dragged the two through the door, he finally stops, allowing Kyungsoo to catch his breath among the screens screaming in colour which line the tiny room bridging the gap between the stingrays and whatever lies behind the dark blue doors. Kyungsoo breathes a sigh of relief. This kid is mental._

_"You… you have lost your mind," he breathes._

_Baekhyun laughs, landing a playful slap on Kyungsoo's arm. "Don't be dramatic," he says, “that's my job. "_

_"There's room for two, Baekhyun."_

_"Absolutely not," Baekhyun says. "Come on. The next exhibit awaits."_

_The doors are flung open, crashing against the walls and turning the heads of the other visitors, but their judgemental mutterings do not reach Baekhyun. His eyes grow wide with wonder, the sight before him seeming to have captured his mind with its magic, casting a spell of capitation over the awestruck boy. Kyungsoo sneaks a glance at the boy and allows a fond smile to wash over him at his clear adoration for the creatures before them._

_"You like the whales, huh?"_

_"Yeah," Baekhyun breathes._

_"But no dolphins."_

_Baekhyun shrugs. "I don't even like dolphins that much. Whales are better."_

_His gaze follows a small whale navigating the tank, weaving through water and companions with eyes wide enough to rival his own. The tiny creature, radiating peace and tranquility, seems a vision of purity, the world of endless freedoms and limitations unknown to its mind of bliss. He walks towards the tank, where the little dolphin is pressed up against the glass, and presses a kiss to the tiny creature. His hand trails across the tank and the dolphin's head follows his movements._

_"Happy little whale," he sings quietly._

_Kyungsoo joins moments later, clutching a sheet of paper in his hands, which he hands to Baekhyun._

_"It's about the whales," he says quietly. "They're belugas."_

_"Beautiful," Baekhyun says with a smile._

_"They are, aren't they? Cute little things."_

_"Do they have names?" Baekhyun asks._

_A soft frown washes over Kyungsoo and he pulls the sheet from Baekhyun's hands._

_"Maybe it'll say here… oh yes," he says when his eyes catch the list of names. "Momo, Annie, Yuzu, and the baby's name is Beeboo. It's a boy."_

_"The baby I kissed?"_

_Kyungsoo hums and passes the sheet back to Baekhyun. "There's only one baby here, so must be."_

_Baekhyun nods, turning back to face little Beebo and planting another kiss on the glass separating them. "Little baby Beebo," he sings between kisses, "Are you happy?"_

_As if he understands Baekhyun's words, Beebo pulls away from him and slowly swims along the glass at a pace Baekhyun can keep up with. Baekhyun follows happily, singing his song for little Beebo with each step, until Beebo stops right before the glass turns to wall and presses his face up against the glass once again. Baekhyun smiles._

_"You like me, right Beebo? I'm your favourite," he says, voice barely breaking a whisper._

_Beebo nudges the glass and Baekhyun presses another kiss to the whale's face. "Is that a yes?"_

_Beebo stills, looking at Baekhyun inquisitively. "I'm gonna take it as a yes, little Beebo," he says._

_"Making friends?"_

_Baekhyun jumps at Kyungsoo's sudden appearance, allowing a smile to try and conceal his surprise._

_"Making best friends, actually," Baekhyun says._

_Kyungsoo chuckles, snaking an arm around Baekhyun's hip and pulling him into his chest. A soft sigh escapes Baekhyun as he settles into the man's embrace, Kyungsoo's soft stroking on his arm nearly lulling him to sleep. His eyes close for a moment, snapping open at the sound of Kyungsoo's voice._

_"So you and Beebo…"_

_"Just friends, Kyungsoo," Baekhyun says, "I'm not dating a beluga whale."_

_Kyungsoo snorts. "You say that like I'm being ridiculous, but that is exactly the sort of thing you'd do."_

_"It really isn't," Baekhyun says, "not when I have you."_

_"You'd take me over a whale," Kyungsoo mumbles. "How romantic."_

_"I thought you didn't like romance."_

_"I don't, but saying I'm preferable to a whale isn't exactly a compliment, is it?"_

_"Would you prefer if I took the whale over you? Because, come to think of it, that would be better," Baekhyun says._

_"Oh really?"_

_"Yes," Baekhyun says. "Beebo would never treat me this way."_

_Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and shoves Baekhyun from his embrace, nudging the boy in the direction of little Beebo, who is now swimming away from the glass to join the other whales. A soft scream escapes Baekhyun when he spots his friend leaving._

_"Beebo," he whines, "don't leave me!"_

_"You know he can't understand you, don't you?"_

_"You don't know that," Baekhyun snaps, "you can't see inside his head."_

_"Fair enough," Kyungsoo says, raising his hands in surrender. "But even if he did, doesn't look like he cares for what you have to say."_

_"That's fine," Baekhyun says, "at least Mongryong loves me."_

_Kyungsoo pauses, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "Mongryong?"_

_"My dog. You saw him yesterday, remember?"_

_"Ah yes," Kyungsoo says._

_"Are you alright? Your memory is bad sometimes but no way is it that bad."_

_Kyungsoo shifts, discomfort etched onto his face whilst his hands fiddle with the bottom of his shirt. "Yeah," he says quietly, "yeah, I'm alright. I don't know how I forgot your dog."_

_"Let's go home," Baekhyun says. "Maybe you have a fever."_

_Kyungsoo hesitates, a slight distress etched onto his face. He nods. "Okay."_

_Baekhyun smiles, wraps an arm around his shoulder and pulls him from the aquarium and into the car. The drive home takes but a minute, and before they know it, they're snuggled up on the sofa, Kyungsoo lying deep in slumber upon Baekhyun's chest._

_He savours the moment. Savours the soft breathing of the other, his occasional hum or mumble bore from his unknown dreams, savours their fleeting bliss, the momentary peace of the quiet evening. He, too, falls asleep hours later, lulled into slumber by the calls of the birds soaring far beyond their windows._

His eyes snap open as the scene fades away, seeping from his mind as it wanders to another realm of thought, a realm filled with wondrous endings and what-ifs which grows in significance within him the further detached it becomes from the harsh reality. He allows the cold air to fill his lungs and breathes a quiet sigh. The temperature has significantly dropped in the past few minutes, leaving him shivering beneath the thin layers draped across his body. 

Looking around the beach, it appears that, as decent weather disappeared, it took with it each and every soul who has somewhat stupidly decided to step foot on the beach in the already chilly weather, leaving nothing and no one to bask in the howling winds. No one except Baekhyun. 

Feeling a stiffness in his arms, he stretches them upwards, straining them until he feels the pain rushing through the muscle with each movement. He flops his arms back down to his sides once the pain grows unbearable and allows a satisfied smile to cross his lips. At least he feels something. 

A dog dashes by, tail swishing in the wind between the happy barks and crunching of pebbles beneath its golden paws. A soft smile washes over Baekhyun at the sight. Memories of his own childhood, a happier time brimming with joy and childish curiosity, come flooding back like a tidal wave with the dog's endless happiness. His mind is thrown into nostalgia with the joyful barks, thoughts of his childhood dog, Bubba, sparked by the sight. Though Bubba is nothing more than a memory, a piece in his puzzle of aching nostalgia, memories of the dog still linger, so vivid and real he cannot bring himself to let them go, cannot bring himself to watch them float away into the wind of change. 

"Mimi," the owner calls, dashing past Baekhyun in hurried strides. "Mimi, it's time to go home!" 

Baekhyun watches the owner, a girl of no more than seventeen, chase after Mimi, a smile on his face whilst his mind burns with nostalgia for Bubba, who by chance looked exactly like Mimi, and the endless love he had to give. 

Mimi stops at the owner's call, bubbling excitement fading only slightly as she bounces back to her mistress and is rewarded with fond strokes. He hears the owner's shouted "good girl" echo above the wind and it seems to lace Mimi's gleeful bounces with even more excitement. 

He smiles. How he wishes he could take a fraction, a mere drop of the happiness which fills the dog, rushes through her veins with her happy barks. How he wishes he could feel, just for a second, her endless joy, allow a smile onto his face which was not forced in the slightest. But what good is it to dwell on things he cannot have? His joy and happiness were ripped from his ancient soul the moment Kyungsoo kissed him for the last time, the moment he his hand went limp in Baekhyun's with his final laboured breath. The moment Kyungsoo's rich, warm soul, bubbling with joy and serenity, went out like a light. The moment Baekhyun lost everything. 

"Quit dwelling," he mumbles. "There's no point." 

He doesn't know how many times he's spoken those words, how many times they've been spat from a friend sick of his mourning. Each time they've reached him, he's apologised with a mumbled promise to stop dwelling on the past that he knows, knows all too is a complete fabrication but places all his hope of happiness every time those words leave his mouth. Every single time. And for what? For nothing, probably. 

Hours have most likely passed on the beach, hours he'd spent in silent ponder, in painful reminiscence of times passed by, in watching, waiting for a solution that will never come. He's surely gaining nothing from coming here. Nothing but pain, the feeling of being shoved further and further down the hole of grief dug deeper each time he turns his mind to the man he lost. 

His tentative steps morph into a run when the rain begins to fall, pouring from the sky in tiny droplets with the shallow breaths of the wind. Baekhyun takes a deep breath, allowing the cool air to fill his lungs as the rain cascades down onto the ground, washing away each story, each footprint, each passing tale which was written in the time since the last downpour. 

He always liked the rain. Found a certain comfort in it, a secret solace among the waters each time the tears of the angels poured from the sky with a crash of thunder. When the rain cleared, he always felt a sense of relief. As the sky cleared, so to would his head, each thought, each worry cast from his mind with the open skies. Now, more than ever, he leans on the rain, waits for it to say hello and wash his worries away. It became his only comfort once Kyungsoo left. The skies of grey which so many ran from were his sole source of happiness and his only solace between the blinding sun which, to most, bring happiness, but to him, serve only as a reminder of the joy he will never feel. 

Today, the rain does not clear, only growing more and more violent with each moment, flooding the beach and hammering down into the choppy seas. Baekhyun turns his head to the sky, throwing his arms out to his sides as he soaks in the waters. The strange comfort the rain always brought him appears once again, washing away the pain of his numb mind and bringing in a moment's peace. His clothes are soaking now. They stick to his sides, rubbing uncomfortably against his skin with his every movement, but he doesn't care. He needs this. 

What would Kyungsoo say if he were here, watching his boyfriend soak in the rain, surely signing himself up to a weekend confined to his bed with a cold? What would he say if he knew how many times Baekhyun had done this, made himself sick waiting for the rain just so he could feel something, feel anything but the mountain of grief which builds between each downpour? If he knew that, since he left, all Baekhyun ever did was wait for the rain? 

He doesn't know. He will never know. 

But it's fine, he can't know everything. There are a lot of things he doesn't know. How to boil an egg, for example. He doesn't know that. He can't speak Finnish, either. He doesn't know the average life cycle of a turtle, or why he was saved in Kyungsoo's phone as "geezer", or why Kyungsoo's laugh was so damn cute. This is simply another item on the list of Things Baekhyun Does Not Know. The name was coined by Kyungsoo, and though it lacks creativity, it boasts Kyungsoo's well-debated charm: bluntness. 

The debate over whether this was a charm or a flaw was, still is, endless. Whilst Baekhyun found it hilarious, still manages to crack a smile when the memories of it drip through the craps of his despair, others were repulsed. So repulsed, in fact, that Kyungsoo used to keep a list of all the threats and insults sent his way because of his bluntness. The list was abandoned a year before he met Baekhyun, upon the realisation that, if someone were to find a book full of insults and homophobic slurs with his name scribbled onto the front, it wouldn't look good for him. From that point onwards, the only lists he kept were shopping lists, to-do lists, and, naturally, a metaphorical hitlist. 

Baekhyun's own list was quite amusing to the man. He can still picture his slight smile as Baekhyun explained its purpose, the loud laughter at Baekhyun's endless complaints over its length, the promise between laughter never to mention it again once Baekhyun ran out of things to throw at him. He sees it all, plunged into his pool of memories the moment his eyes flutter closed. 

_"So this list," Kyungsoo says, flopping down into the sofa next to Baekhyun._

_Baekhyun rolls his eyes, a groan slipping from his lips as he slams his book shut. "Not this again. I told you, it's not an actual list."_

_"Well, obviously," says Kyungsoo. "You can't keep an actual list of everything you don't know, it'd be infinite."_

_"Not my list," Baekhyun says. "My list would be infinite x10."_

_Kyungsoo snorts, shovelling a handful of crisps into his mouth. "Wow, you're actually being modest," he says between mouthfuls. "That's a first."_

_"I am very modest!" Baekhyun protests._

_"Oh, sure," Kyungsoo snorts. "Well, at least you're not claiming to know everything."_

_"Of course I don't. I have a lot yet to learn."_

_Kyungsoo pauses. Baekhyun can tell from the smile on his face that he's planning something. "Then let's learn it."_

_"Huh?"_

_"Let's learn the things we don't know." A smile etched onto his face, Kyungsoo whips out his phone and tries throws the bag of crisps onto the table, spectacularly missing and sending the crisps crashing onto the floor below._

_"Moron," Baekhyun says between laughs._

_"Be quiet," Kyungsoo snaps. "Okay, so, what do you want to learn?"_

_"Nothing you can tell me."_

_"I'm going to pretend you didn't just insult me and inform you that we will be using Google, not my head. Unless I know the answer."_

_"Which you won't."_

_"Which I probably won't. Okay, ask me something."_

_Baekhyun takes a moment to think, rubbing his chin like a cartoon genius at work. "What are baby monkeys called?"_

_"Good question," Kyungsoo says. A few taps later, he turns his phone screen for Baekhyun to see. "Infants."_

_"That's boring. Okay, what's the oldest castle in the world?"_

_"Citadel of Aleppo."_

_"Still standing?"_

_"Sort of. Damaged in the Syrian war, it seems."_

_Baekhyun nods. "Shame. Okay, what's the most expensive painting ever sold?"_

_"Salvator Mundi," Kyungsoo says. He didn't even look at his phone. "If I'm not mistaken, it sold for $453 million."_

_"And you knew that because?"_

_"I like art," Kyungsoo shrugs. "And I like random trivia that no one will ever ask for."_

_"I like your random trivia, you should give it to me more often."_

_"Noted. What now?"_

_"Uhhh… I don't know. Wait, shouldn't it be your turn? You ask me a question."_

_Kyungsoo nods. "How old is the, the, uh, the oldest dog in the world?"_

_"What was that?"_

_"What was what?"_

_"That stutter. I've never known you to stutter."_

_"Oh, um." Kyungsoo shifts uncomfortably in his seat, fingers curling into the blanket beneath him. "It's nothing, I just- I have problems with speech sometimes. I don't know why."_

_"Oh," Baekhyun says. "Oh, okay, that's fine."_

_Kyungsoo gives a nervous laugh. "Yeah."_

_"The oldest dog ever is Bluey, it was 29 when it died."_

_"Woah, that's older than me."_

_"That's saying something," Baekhyun says._

_Kyungsoo laughs, gaze turned to the floor and a weak smile on his face. Baekhyun frowns. Something's bothering him, he can tell. He's not nearly as mysterious as he thinks he is._

_"Kyungsoo," he says softly. "You okay?"_

_"Fuck it," Kyungsoo mutters. His voice drips with disgust, but not disgust with Baekhyun. Disgust with himself. "No, I'm not. I'm not okay, Baek."_

_"What's wrong?"_

_"I should've told you sooner," Kyungsoo mutters. His arm slightly spasms on the final word._

_"Told me what?" Baekhyun asks, soft voice quivering with a growing fear._

_Kyungsoo gives a slight groan, mumbling unintelligible babble to himself as he sits next to Baekhyun and wraps an arm around him. Baekhyun instantly melts into his embrace, but his comforting presence does nothing to calm the nerves pumping his wild heart. He snuggles into the Kyungsoo's chest and breathes a soft sigh. "What do you need to tell me, Soo?"_

_"I don't know how to say it," Kyungsoo mumbles. "How to say it so that you won't get upset."_

_"Is it upsetting?"_

_"For you, maybe. I think you'll be angry."_

_"Why would I be angry?"_

_"Because I didn't tell you sooner."_

_"Oh," Baekhyun says. He feels Kyungsoo's hand gently stroke his hair and nudges into it. "Just tell me, then. Let's get it over with."_

_Baekhyun feels Kyungsoo's growing panic, from the way his breath hitches to his eyes, which refuse to look Baekhyun in the eye. He grabs Kyungsoo's hand and intertwines it with his own. "Whenever you're ready, Soo."_

_Kyungsoo nods. "I'm ready now, I want to- you have to know now. Right now."_

_"Then tell me."_

_A weak smile flickers across Kyungsoo's lips. There is no joy behind it. Baekhyun's breath hitches when he looks into Kyungsoo's eyes, searching for a speck of happiness, and sees only despair. This isn't Kyungsoo._

_"There's this… this disease I have, fucking terrible disease that I refuse to remember the name of but it's fatal, Baekhyun, there's no survivors. Most people die within a year of diagnosis."_

_Baekhyun freezes. His heartbeat comes to a sudden stop, the nervous smile wiped clean of his face with Kyungsoo's words. He tries to move, tries to say something, anything at all, but he's frozen, everything's frozen, nothing moves or speaks or matters. Somewhere in his mind, beneath a mountain of hopelessness slowly painted with joy by Kyungsoo's mere existence, he feels himself burst into a fire of despair, fed by the misery which suddenly overtakes him, strangling him with its overwhelming power as everything, even the rainbow of colours splashed across his life of greys by Kyungsoo, fades to grey._

_It doesn't seem real, it can't be. Surely, despite the world's endless evil, there is nothing and so one so merlicess, so hideously cruel as to bestow such a torturous fate upon a man who only ever brought joy, who made flowers bloom from the ashes of misery. There is no one so cruel, there can't be, and yet, here they are. Drowning in an ocean of melancholy, sinking beneath fragile waves._

_This isn't fair._

_He wants to comfort Kyungsoo, wants to tell him that it'll be okay, he's here, he'll always be here, but he can't. Whilst his heart screams for him to comfort the broken man before him, whose life will soon be stolen by the foul beast that is fate, his mind burns with one question._

_"How long?"_

_"What?"_

_"How long have you had this… this thing? When were you diagnosed?"_

_Kyungsoo hesitates. From the way his face falls, Baekhyun knows it hasn't been a week. He's had this thing for months. "Nine months ago."_

_Baekhyun's heart drops. He feels his throat close up, steady breaths morphing into gasps for air, still trying to say something but never speaking a word. His eyes flood with tears to match the despair pouring into his heart with each passing moment. His breath hitches as he tries to hold back a sob, tries not to break down in front of Kyungsoo, tries to hold himself together, tape together the pieces of his shattered soul to spare the pain of the one who inadvertently shattered it. He needs to be strong. He needs to be strong for Kyungsoo, can't let his misery seep through the gaps of love, can't let it take over amongst the ruins of his composure. He has to hide it, has to stay calm for Kyungsoo._

_But this is all so wrong. So fucking wrong, he hates it. How can this happen, why did it happen? Why did a Lord who is said to love his children, grant peace and mercy at every turn, cast a fate of such cruelty upon the man he loves? Why is Kyungsoo, who only ever brought peace and happiness, now forced live every day as his last? Why is their fairytale ending, which was so close, oh so close, soon to be shattered, broken by doom which looms above Kyungsoo at every turn? Why is this happening to them?_

_Kyungsoo's voice draws him from his thoughts and he turns his gaze to the man before him._

_"Baek, I'm sorry-"_

_"Don't," Baekhyun snaps. "Don't bother."_

_"I lied to you, I told you I was okay."_

_"I know," Baekhyun says._

_He feels the tears fall, but he doesn't care, barely notices. He barely registers the misery blooming within himself, barely feels his body rock with soft sobs. Barely feels anything. In one moment, everything he had was snatched from his hands, his every joy and comfort quashed by the hand of fate with Kyungsoo's admission._

_"Just tell me one thing," Baekhyun says._

_"Anything."_

_"Why didn't you tell me?"_

_Kyungsoo's face falls. "I didn't want to hurt you. I knew if you knew, you'd- you'd never enjoy our time together. You'd spend every day wondering if it was my last."_

_"I wouldn't have. But now that I know, I…" He trails off, unsure of where his sentence was leading him. He has nothing to say, not really. All he wants to do is scream. Scream, hold onto Kyungsoo, and never let go._

_But now, he is faced with the painful knowledge that one day, maybe tomorrow, maybe next year, he will have to let go. One day Kyungsoo will slip away from him, fade into nothing more than a memory, a tribute to what once was, and Baekhyun will be alone again._

_He feels Kyungsoo's hand on him, gentle touches lingering on his hand and thigh, beards his soft voice holding back sobs as it whispers words of comfort, but it's all so distant, so strange. It seems no more than a memory._

_But still he must treasure it, cherish each moment, each word, each touch that lingers on his fragile skin, for soon they will reach him only in his dreams, in memories drenched in pain and sorrow. The only remnants of the man he loves, a memory and a singing dove, as his faded soul soars with the angels above._

_His mind is chucked back to reality, thrown from its pool of despair back to the life he wants nothing more than to escape from, but now must treasure each moment of. Kyungsoo is still apologising, but he doesn't really hear the specifics. Everything's a blur. He only hears the word sorry, pouring from Kyungsoo's mouth with every sentence, and the pain of his cracking voice._

_This isn't Kyungsoo. Baekhyun does not stare into the face of his lover, the gentle, confident man who rescued him from his despair. He stares into the face of a broken man. A man whose life slips from his fingers, each second drawing him closer and closer to his final breath. He's broken. Kyungsoo is broken. Torn to pieces by whatever goddamn illness dared to pick on him._

_"Kyungsoo," he whispers. He doesn't know what else to say. What can he say, what can he do but offer the fraction of comfort he can draw from his own misery?_

_A soft sob escapes Kyungsoo, tears pouring down his reddened cheeks. "Baekhyun," he says. "Please don't cry."_

_"What am I supposed to do?" Baekhyun sobs. "You're the only thing I've ever loved, that ever brought me happiness, and in a few months I'll lose you too."_

_"And I'll lose everything."_

_He said it quietly, voice barely verging on a whisper. He probably didn't even intend for Baekhyun to hear. But he did. He heard every word. And Kyungsoo is right._

_How can he cry for a man he is yet to lose, who himself will lose everything? How can he cry for a life without Kyungsoo, when Kyungsoo will have no life at all? What is his pain compared to his? Compared to the man who's entire life, future was robbed from him by his disease? Whose very existence will soon fade into a memory, whose dreams, plans, aspirations will never be fulfilled, instead doomed to die alongside his fading soul? He has no right to cry, none at all. He should be comforting Kyungsoo. He should be pulling him into his embrace, stroking his hair, telling him that everything is going to be okay, he's here, he'll always be here, he loves him. He should be comforting him, but all he wants to do is scream._

_"Kyungsoo," he sobs. "Kyungsoo, you're- I don't wanna say goodbye."_

_A soft smile reaches Kyungsoo, breaking through the tears to offer an ounce of comfort to Baekhyun. "And you don't have to, Baekhyun, not yet. We've still got time, don't we?" He says. "There's still time, I'm still here."_

_A small laugh escapes Baekhyun. Of course Kyungsoo, the one whose life stands on its last leg, is comforting him. Of course Baekhyun is more upset than the one that's dying._

_"Yeah," he says, "Yeah, we can… there's time. I haven't lost you just yet."_

_"Yeah, okay, do want a-"_

_"Wait," Baekhyun interrupts. "I need to ask you something."_

_"What is it?"_

_"Are you in pain?" he asks. Kyungsoo's face falls at the question. "This thing, this illness, is it painful?"_

_Kyungsoo sighs, a half-hearted smile tugging at his lips as his gaze turns to the floor. "Kind of," he says. "It's mostly just- I dunno. The symptoms are worse than the pain."_

_"What are the symptoms?"_

_From the deep breath Kyungsoo takes, Baekhyun can tell it's a long list. "Memory loss, problems with speech, anxiety, depression, insomnia," Kyungsoo lists robotically, like he's reading off a sheet of paper. "The list goes on."_

_"Depression," Baekhyun says._

_"Yeah."_

_"Are you depressed?"_

_Kyungsoo hesitates, seemingly taken aback by the bluntness of the question. Bluntness is his thing, after all. "Sort of?" He says. "I have the symptoms of depression, but I never got a diagnosis."_

_"Why not?"_

_Kyungsoo shrugs. "I'm already sick enough. Don't need another item on the list."_

_"You always seem so happy," Baekhyun says. "I've never seen you properly sad until today."_

_"I hid it well," Kyungsoo mutters. "Everything that I could hide, I did. I didn't want you googling all my symptoms and finding out I was sick before I was ready to tell you."_

_"I wouldn't have thought it was a symptom of something," Baekhyun says. "Just that you were depressed."_

_"Yeah, well, I was afraid you might be smarter than you let on."_

_Baekhyun gives an artificial gasp, hand over his heart in mock horror as he drapes himself across the sofa like a 20th century film star. Kyungsoo gives a small laugh at his dramatics. It's music to Baekhyun’s ears._

_"I can't believe you just called me stupid!" Baekhyun cries. "After everything I've done for you."_

_"I can do what I want, Baekhyun, I'm dying," Kyungsoo grins._

_Baekhyun huffs and pulls himself upright, his arms crossed over his chest to match the pout on his lips. "So I can't call you stupid, then?"_

_"You cannot," Kyungsoo confirms. "In fact, I'd consider it a hate crime."_

_"That's dumb," Baekhyun mumbles._

_Kyungsoo gives a soft laugh and plants a soft kiss on Baekhyun's forehead._

_"Not as dumb as you."_

_Baekhyun smiles, a soft giggle slipping from his lips as he leans into Kyungsoo's kiss. He wraps his arms around him, clutching him like the teddy bears scattered across his room, and buries his head in the man's chest. Kyungsoo gives a soft laugh, running his fingers through Baekhyun's hair as the boy's laughter dies down into silence. Baekhyun's eyes spot the remote on the opposite side of the room and he wriggles free from Kyungsoo's grip, ignoring the man's cries of protest as he runs to retrieve it. When he plops back down on the sofa, one hand holding the remote whilst the others grabs Kyungsoo's own hand, he feels the man's arm curl around his shoulder and pull him into his embrace._

_"What do you wanna watch?" He asks._

_Kyungsoo shrugs. "I don't mind, whatever you like."_

_"What about Black Mirror? I heard it's really good."_

_"Oh yeah, Jongin said it was a great show. Him and Sehun stayed up the whole night watching it."_

_"So Black Mirror it is?"_

_Kyungsoo nods. "Black mirror it is."_

_Baekhyun smiles, leaning into the soft kiss that Kyungsoo presses to his forehead as he searches for the show and presses play. Baekhyun feels Kyungsoo relax as the show begins to play, feels his racing heart slow down beneath his head, which is pressed to Kyungsoo's chest in a silent embrace. For a moment, everything seems right. Everything seems okay._

_Hours pass in silence, countless episodes coming and going, stories told and forgotten, replaced by a new tale of wonder and warning. It's a good show, Baekhyun decides, so good that he manages to forget all that has happened, all that will happen, and just loses himself in the story. Loses himself in the arms of the love which will soon be lost._

_As day breaks the next day, the tears and sorrow of the day before momentarily abandoned in passing time, Baekhyun's eyes flutter closed, Kyungsoo's soft hums lulling him to sleep in his warm embrace. When he wakes up hours later, Kyungsoo is still there, staring at him with the same reserved fondness he saw in their first encounter. The morning passes in a flurry of pancakes, cuddles and TV, and by 11AM, they're napping once again, tangled in each other's arms as the opening theme of Narcos plays quietly in the background._

_If only all mornings were like this._

The rain still hammers down, falling from the sky like the tears of a thousand angels and Baekhyun stands there, just stands, perfectly still and silent. His mouth falls open, catches the water as it would each time it rained in the playground of his elementary school, before the teachers managed to herd his class inside. He doesn't get much. Never did. But it passes time, wastes it, more like, allows his mind a momentary distraction from the vicious cycle of memories and grief spiralling through his mind. 

The rain slows, bitter downpours fading into a soft drizzle, which dies out moments later. Baekhyun smiles. Though a distant despair creeps back into his mind, flowing through his veins and into his faded heart, he feels himself relax. It seems that, as the rain fell, pouring from the sky of grey, his worries, dwellings and fear were washed away, slipping from his tired mind with the rainfall. A momentary bliss. 

Such feelings, of bliss, hope and happiness, are rare, have been since Kyungsoo left, so he can't help but hold on, cling to every ounce of goodness he can squeeze from his miserable existence, hanging on to the shred of joy bore from the memories of Kyungsoo, and the man's promise that, no matter where Baekhyun wandered, no matter how lonely he felt, Kyungsoo would always be there, watching, loving, longing for him to come home and kiss him once more. 

Baekhyun remembers the day he made that promise. Of course he does. That was the day he lost everything, the day his soul was torn from his body, his heart shattered with a sudden, endless despair. The day he let go. The day he watched his love fade away, lost to the angels who finally called him home. 

Beneath the weight of his silent ponder, his hands find the skin of his wrist, feeling for the ink he knows is there, lingering in the pale skin, ignorant of its significance, its simplicity painting a perfect contrast with the complexity of the emotion it brings. He turns his gaze to it, pulling his mind from the vial of precious memories, and allows a small smile. 

A tiny whale. Forever etched into his skin. A small reminder of his faded happiness, and the man who helped it bloom. 

_"Baekhyun, are you sure you want this?"_

_Baekhyun rolls his eyes, a soft snort escaping him at Kyungsoo's worrying. "Kyungsoo, I'm positive."_

_They stand on the pavement, the neon lights of the tattoo shop before them casting a blue shine through the dirtied glass of the window. Through the window, he spots the girl he'd spoken with on the phone, a young university student with hair dyed pinker than cotton candy to match the tattoos twirling up her arms, sitting at the desk, scrolling through her phone with a lollipop loosely hanging with her mouth. Her gaze turns to the glass and she spots him staring at her. She gives a small smile, confusion etched onto her face, before turning back to her phone._

_How did they even end up here? One moment they were talking about Beebo, taking turns to sip on the banana smoothie Kyungsoo had made minutes earlier, the next on the phone with the girl as sleep called for them, and the next day they were walking to the tattoo parlour, clutching the picture of Beebo Kyungsoo had drawn with a reminder to tell the tattoo artist to ignore the large lines bore from the spasms of Kyungsoo's arms._

_"You know it'll hurt a lot, don't you?" Kyungsoo says. "It's not pleasant."_

_"Well, you'll hold my hand, won't you?"_

_Kyungsoo laughs, sparking a frown on Baekhyun's face. "You will hold my hand, won't you?" he says, voice laced with a growing worry. "Kyungsoo?"_

_"Yeah, I will," Kyungsoo says quietly. "Sorry, I just… I'm feeling kinda faint."_

_Baekhyun nods, silence masking the panic he feels rise within him at Kyungsoo's words. He's probably just being paranoid, surely nothing's wrong, but at this stage of Kyungsoo's illness, there's no certainty. Each moment could be their last together._

_"Are you okay?" Baekhyun asks._

_Kyungsoo nods. He's strangely pale, almost sickly. "Yeah, I'm fine."_

_"You sure? Maybe we should go h-"_

_"No!" Kyungsoo yells. The moment it slips out, he slams a hand across his mouth, horror etched onto his paling features. "Baekhyun, I'm sorry, I-"_

_"Don't worry," Baekhyun says. "I know this is hard for you, it's fine for you to get angry."_

_Kyungsoo groans. "Baek…"_

_"What's wrong now?"_

_"Why do you have to be such an angel?" Kyungsoo mutters, running a gentle hand down Baekhyun's cheek. "I can't bear to leave you."_

_"Then don't," Baekhyun whispers. "Not yet. We still have time, Soo, you're not leaving me yet."_

_"Right," Kyungsoo says. "Right, of course not, yeah. Let's go get this done."_

_With that, he grabs Baekhyun's hand and pulls him into the tattoo parlour. Baekhyun feels sick the moment he walks in. He never liked needles._

_When they walk through the painted black door and into the parlour, where the girl is still on her phone, they're plunged into red light, illuminating in crimson to match the black furniture dotted around the establishment. The girl looks up from her phone and smiles a toothy grin._

_"Welcome to Jay's Tattoos, how can I help?"_

_"I want a tattoo," Baekhyun says with determination._

_The girl raises her eyebrows. "You want a tattoo?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Are you sure?" she says. "You look like you're already close to tears. I'm not catching you if you pass out."_

_A snicker is heard from the other side of the room and Baekhyun turns his head to its source, a tall, red haired man draped in ink and piercings. He's dressed in all black, except the red belt strapped around his jeans, and, by the looks of the paper covered in tattoo ideas, seems to be the tattoo artist._

_He walks towards them, a half-smile on his lips as he holds out his hand for Baekhyun to take._

_"I'm Chanyeol," he says. "Your tattoo artist. I won't catch you, either."_

_Baekhyun huffs. "I'm not going to pass out."_

_"We'll see," the pink-haired girl says, gaze turned to her phone once again. "Chanyeol, do you have all the forms we need, or should I go get them?"_

_"It's fine, Rosie, go back to studying," Chanyeol says. "Or by the looks of it, procrastinating."_

_Rosie smiles and turns her gaze to Chanyeol. "Jokes on you, Yoda, I already studied. I'm gonna nail this exam, just you watch."_

_"Well, if you do fail, I’m always a shoulder to cry on.”_

_“Zip it, Yoda, get to work,” Rosie snaps._

_“How about you respect your elders?” Chanyeol says before turning back to Baekhyun, who now has an iron grip on his boyfriend’s hands. “Okay, just come through with me, I’ll need you to sign some disclaimers and then we can get started.”_

_Baekhyun only nods, feeling the nerves hammering against his skull, pumping through his veins with each panicked breath. Kyungsoo must feel the fear radiating off of him, for he gives his hand a firm squeeze and ribs tiny circles with his finger. “It’ll be okay,” he mumbles. “I’m right here.”_

_Baekhyun nods and turns his gaze back to Chanyeol, who stares at them expectantly, the smile on his face having slightly widened. “Okay,” he says, leaning down to rest his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “Let’s do this.”_

_Chanyeol’s smile turns into a wide grin, which washes over his features like a blazing sunlight. He would be quite beautiful, if not for the knowledge that he would soon be pouncing on Baekhyun with a needle. “Come with me, then, we’re right through here.”_

_Baekhyun doesn’t move. Whether that’s fear, confusion, or a mind blank, he doesn’t know, but it gets a laugh out of Kyungsoo. “Come on, you giant baby, I’ve got you,” the man chuckles._

_“Zip it, old man,” Baekhyun huffs._

_In a what seems scarcely a heartbeat, Baekhyun is sat on the seat, which seems more like an executioner’s block than a resting place. Kyungsoo’s hand is intertwined with his own and soft hums pour from his mouth, distracting the boy from Chanyeol’s shuffling as he moves around the room, collecting what he needs to do the tattoo. The signed disclaimer lays on Kyungsoo’s lap, as does an information booklet and about a million leaflets on aftercare. Baekhyun’s gaze catches the other, and they offer each other a soft smile._

_“You’ll be okay, yeah?” Kyungsoo says. “I’m right here, it won’t hurt too much.”_

_“How do you know that? You’ve never had a tattoo.”_

_Kyungsoo shifts in his seat, lips pursed in clear discomfort. “Well…”_

_“You have a tattoo?” Baekhyun asks in disbelief. Of all the people he knew, Kyungsoo was the last he’d expect to get a tattoo._

_“Yeah.”_

_“Where?”_

_“Uh,” Kyungsoo starts, before a soft laugh escapes his lips. “Well, I-”_

_“It’s on his ass,” Chanyeol says, not looking up from the papers he’s filing through. “If they don’t want to tell you where it is, it’s on the ass.”_

_“Thanks for the life advice, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo says, voice dripping with venom._

_Chanyeol grins. “So I was right. I told you.”_

_“Baekhyun, I don’t like your tattoo artist.”_

_“Don’t worry,” Chanyeol says, approaching the two and sitting down on the stool next to Baekhyun. “He won’t either, not once I’ve stuck a needle in him.”_

_“Funny,” Baekhyun says. “Can we just get this over with?”_

_“Sure, but I have to ask you a couple things first. Just protocol.”_

_“Fire away.”_

_“Okay,” Chanyeol says, “Have you had any alcohol in the past 24 hours?”_

_“Nope.”_

_“Any Advil? Aspirin?”_

_“That’s a negative.”_

_Chanyeol fires off questions for a few minutes, marking Baekhyun’s answers down on his sheet of paper, before he sets it aside and turns his gaze to Baekhyun, a wild glint shining across his eyes. “Are you ready?”_

_Kyungsoo squeezes Baekhyun’s hand. “Baek, you don’t have to-”_

_“No,” Baekhyun says firmly. “I was born ready.”_

_Chanyeol meets Kyungsoo’s gaze and shrugs. “Your funeral.”_

_The next few minutes pass in a blur. Chanyeol takes 10 minutes to prepare him, chatting to Kyungsoo about music and Kyungsoo's alleged ass tattoo as he prepares Baekhyun's arm for the imminent attack. When he's ready, he wheels his chair back and gives Baekhyun a comforting smile._

_"You ready?"_

_Baekhyun nods. He feels sick. This was such a bad idea, he's such an idiot, he wishes he'd said no when Kyungsoo had suggested (more like demanded) he get a tattoo. But he's here now. There's no escape. He has to do this._

_He's so caught up in his panic that he doesn't notice that Chanyeol has already begun. It is only when he brings himself back from his thoughts that he feels the gun in his skin, and the slight pain which comes with it. It's not nearly as bad as he thought it would be. It's almost bearable, in fact._

_"You're doing great, Baekhyun," Chanyeol says. "This won't take very long, you're doing so well."_

_Baekhyun nods and turns his gaze to Kyungsoo, who gives him a smile and squeezes his hand. "See, it's not that bad, is it?"_

_"It's not," Baekhyun confirms._

_"Almost there now," Chanyeol says. "Just hang in there."_

_"Okay," Baekhyun whispers._

_The room falls into near silence, the only sound the buzzing of the tattoo guns, Chanyeol's occasional encouragement and Rosie yelling at the mobile game she's playing next door. The rest of the session passes quickly; it's barely been half an hour before it's done. Chanyeol does a few things to his arm, but none of them hurt, and it's over before he knows it._

_"All done!" Chanyeol grins. "You did great."_

_"Thanks," Baekhyun mutters. "Can we leave?"_

_Chanyeol chuckles and helps Baekhyun stand up. "Yeah, just go to the counter and Rosie'll give you the bill. Remember to read the leaflets I gave."_

_"I will," Baekhyun says. "When can I take this plastic thingy off?"_

_"The dressing? You can take it off tonight, just wash your hands beforehand. Remember, it's an open wound, so be careful while it's heeling."_

_Baekhyun nods and he and Kyungsoo bid their goodbyes before heading to where Rosie is still seated. She looks up when they walk through and smiles. "Wasn't that bad, was it?"_

_"Not really," Baekhyun says. "Can we get the bill?"_

_"Sure," Rosie says._

_She tells them the price and they pay before leaving. The wind hits Baekhyun like a ton of bricks, the cold taking him by surprise due to the warm tattoo parlour. Baekhyun shivers._

_“I feel dizzy,” Kyungsoo mumbles, voice soft and weak._

_Baekhyun snorts. “God, and you called me a wimp? I’m the one who-”_

_“No, Baek,” Kyungsoo shouts. “It’s not because of the needles, I- I need to sit down, can we go back in?”_

_“Oh," Baekhyun says. His mind is in full panic mode now. "Sorry, Soo, yeah, we can go back in. Do you need help?"_

_Kyungsoo doesn’t respond. His lips are pursed, eyes clamped together as though holding back tears until they open suddenly, twitching and jumping from place to place. Baekhyun grabs the man’s arm and pulls him back into the parlour, trying to ignore the unintelligible babbling pouring from his mouth. Kyungsoo walks a few steps behind him. His steps are rushed and uneven, like a child trying to keep up with the large steps of their parents._

_When they walk through the doors, Rosie looks up from her phone once again. Her confused face morphs into worry when she spots Kyungsoo, and she rushes over to them. The papers balanced precariously on the desk fall to the floor when she rushes past them, but she doesn’t seem to care._

_“What happened?” She asks._

_“I don’t know,” Baekhyun says, pulling his shivering boyfriend into his embrace. “He was fine a minute ago, he was okay, but he-”_

_“Chanyeol!” Rosie screams, panic written on her paling features. “Chanyeol, get in here, I need help!”_

_“What now, Rosie? I’ve got shit to do,” comes a call from the other room._

_“I don’t care, Chanyeol, I need- just get in here!”_

_Chanyeol appears moments later, still clutching a Baekhyun’s disclaimer. His glaring eyes soften slightly when he spots his young coworker and he gives a fond smile. “What do you need, Rosie?” he asks quietly._

_Rosie shoots him a glare before turning back to Kyungsoo, whose legs shake under the weight of his shiverin body, eyes jumping from person to person but never seeming to recognise his company. “Are you blind?” she yells. “Look at him, he looks close to death!”_

_Chanyeol rolls his eyes, seemingly assuming this is nothing more than Rosie being dramatic, and turns to retreat back into his room when his eyes catch Baekhyun and his sickly boyfriend. He feels a shiver run down his spine when he sees them and rushes over, mind flooding with worry at the pitiful sight._

_“What the hell happened?” He asks loudly._

_“I don’t know,” Baekhyun cries. “It just started, one minute he was fine and then he felt faint, his speech, it- I don’t know what he’s saying.”_

_Chanyeol nods. “Kyungsoo, can you smile for me?”_

_Kyungsoo turns to Chanyeol and nods before breaking into a small smile. But it’s not really a smile at all. It reaches only half his face, the other side drooping as though its muscles had given up. A soft gasp escapes Chanyeol’s lips and he pulls Kyungsoo from Baekhyun’s grasp before forcing him into one of the chairs. “Rosie, call an ambulance,” Chanyeol says._

_Rosie doesn’t move. Her body seems frozen in panic._

_“Now!” Chanyeol screams._

_Rosie jumps and nods, muttering an apology and racing back to her desk to retrieve her phone. “What do I say?”_

_“Tell them to hurry,” Chanyeol says. “I think he’s having a stroke.”_

_“A stroke?” Baekhyun yells. “Isn’t that- he’s not an old lady!”_

_“I know he’s not, Baekhyun, but that doesn’t mean it can’t happen. Does he have anything else wrong with him?”_

_"Yeah, there's this disease he has, he says it's fatal, I think this is it," Baekhyun says._

_"What's the name?"_

_"I don't know," he cries, "he wouldn't tell me."_

_Chanyeol groans, turning an eye to Kyungsoo, whose shaking hands clutch his head as a silent scream of agony slips from his lips. He kneels down to the man's level and gently turns his head so that he looks into his eyes. Kyungsoo's eyes jump from him to Baekhyun, seemingly unable to hold his gaze._

_"Can you hear me?" Chanyeol asks softly._

_Kyungsoo nods._

_"Can you lift your arm for me? Any arm."_

_Kyungsoo does nothing. His gaze slips from Chanyeol's face after a moment and flickers around the room, blurred vision spotting the faint outline of Rosie, who's still screaming something incoherent into her phone. He turns to Baekhyun and gives a soft smile when he hears a soft sob escape his boyfriend's lips._

_"Baek," he mutters. "Baek, don't worry, I'm okay."_

_"I know, Kyungsoo," Baekhyun says with a sad smile. "Everything will be okay. Just wait for the ambulance and we can sort this out."_

_"I'm sorry," he mumbles._

_"It's alright, Soo, don't apologise. Just relax."_

_Kyungsoo nods, attempting to relax into the chair but everything seems wrong, so wrong, he can't put himself at ease. Where even is he? He doesn't recognise this place, doesn't recognise the red lighting, the panicked voices around him. The song blaring from the radio - is it a radio? It could be a hallucination - is strange, unsettling. The voices sing in a strange language, wailing each word with endless sorrow, the misery of their weeping souls poured into each note. He feels it deep within him, clings to their every word, their haunting melodies, loses his mind in the kingdom of their bitter song. A moment's peace. Between his foreign surroundings and the strangers crowding him, it's the only comfort he can get._

_Baekhyun is still talking to him, somewhere beyond the song. He knows it's him, feels his hand on his shoulder, but it doesn't feel like Baekhyun, doesn't feel right. This is all wrong. So fucking wrong._

_When his vision begins to clear, his strange surroundings growing sharper with each second, he turns to Baekhyun. He feels his heart shatter when he sees the man's distraught expression. This isn't Baekhyun. He's broken him._

_The sound of sirens draw him from his sorrows and he turns to the window, where an ambulance is tumbling towards them. He hears someone mutter something about taking too long - "15 minutes? He's lucky he's not dead" - and frowns. It can't have been more than five minutes since he stumbled in, clinging to Baekhyun like his life depended on it._

_He knew this would happen. As his disease reached its final stages, confusion would rise up, the line between what is real and what is not blurring, his every memory, moment, thought distorted by his own mind, which fights a war with his fading body. A fruitless fight, a battle which was won long before it started. A fitting end._

_Somewhere in the distance, beyond the barrier between his thoughts and his surroundings, he sees two paramedics rush in, clutching a stretcher between them. "Which one of you is Kyungsoo?"_

_"Him," he hears someone say._

_He stares up at the paramedics, two middle aged men with kind faces and tattoos dotted over their arms, watches as they kneel in front of him and begin to speak. Their voices are distant, words grouped together, but he almost understands._

_"We think you're having a stroke," he hears one of them say._

_Kyungsoo huffs. If he could roll his eyes, he would. "No, no," he says quietly. "It's not…"_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"You know me?" Kyungsoo asks._

_"No, I'm afraid we don't," one of them says._

_"Well, it's no stroke. You know this, this disease, brain disease? I forget it… the name_

_"Try to remember."_

_Kyungsoo frowns. He feels reality slipping from him once again, feels fatigue washing over him, wants nothing more than to fall asleep, but he can't. They need to know. "This… um, this… I  
I don't know." _

_God damn it. Of all the times for the memory loss to get worse._

_"It's okay, we'll look at your files once we get to the hospital."_

_Kyungsoo nods. "This is how… they said it would be sudden, but not so soon… not so soon."_

_He hears Baekhyun's breath hitch, something resembling a sob slipping from his lips. There's no hiding it now. This is the end, and they both know it._

_"When did the symptoms worsen?" He hears a paramedic ask._

_He tries to answer, tries to get the words out his mouth, but he can't. They're trapped, stuck in his throat and no matter how hard he tries, all that comes out is a soft croak._

_He turns to the person next to him, stares into his worried eyes and tries to offer a small smile. The boy looks back at him. His face is familiar, he knows that face, but he can't remember his name. The memories with him linger in his mind, blurry and fragmented but there nonetheless, and he draws a slight comfort from his presence, but he can't remember. Can't remember his name._

_The doctor told him it would be sudden. He would feel fine one day, and the symptoms would come the next, worsen over the span of a week before his every breath was laboured and his body gave up on him. He had prepared for this, visited the palliative care ward whilst his boyfriend worked, sorted out everything that needed sorted. But he never anticipated, never even considered worsening so suddenly. So painfully._

_His eyes close slowly, mind floating away from reality, tuning out the mess he's made. He can't bare to look at his boyfriend, can't bear to see his empty face, the ghost he's made of the man he once was before he met him. He feels the man's hand trail down his face with gentle touches, hears him sing the song they used to sing together, recognises the tune but not the words, hears the paramedics rambling on, telling his boyfriend everything he had once tried to hide, hears the foreign mutterings of a girl and a strange man he doesn't know._

_"Do you understand, Baekhyun?" He hears a paramedic say._

_Baekhyun. He recognises that name, knows that name. The very mention of it brings him comfort, a strangled joy arisen from the ruins of his despair, puts him at ease. Is that his boyfriend? The one who stands next to him, comforts him despite the knowledge that he will soon lose his lover, and with it love itself? It has to be._

_He tries to speak, tries to call for Baekhyun, apologise for everything, beg for forgiveness, but nothing comes. He tries again and again, over and over until all that comes is a quiet "Baekhyun…"_

_Good enough._

_"It's okay, Soo, we're gonna take you somewhere that you can be comfortable, yeah?"_

_He hears Baekhyun's voice in the distance, still muttering comfort and humming sweet songs, but all he can focus on is the way Baekhyun's voice cracks on every other word, the way he stops speaking to let out a soft sob, the way he can't finish the song - their song - before breaking down completely, sobbing and softly begging God to wake them from this nightmare._

_He stares up at Baekhyun, waits until he stares back and gives him a soft smile._

_"It'll be okay," he whispers. "I love you."_

_Baekhyun smiles, leans down and plants a soft kiss on Kyungsoo's forehead. His hands still caress Kyungsoo's face when the man closes his eyes, still muttering something incoherent when they pull into the hospital and rush into the treatment room._

_He stays by Kyungsoo's bedside the whole day, never letting go of Kyungsoo's still hand, not moving his hand from his face until a nurse comes and drags him from the room._

_It wasn't supposed to happen this fast, according to the doctor, a young, fair-haired woman draped in grey with purple glasses which keep slipping off her nose. Usually, it would take weeks for the symptoms to progress to Kyungsoo's point. They'd have time to prepare, time to talk things through when the symptoms began to worsen._

_"This is a rarity," she says. "It doesn't happen to most people, don't worry."_

_Somehow, that brings little comfort to Baekhyun._

_Minutes pass, the two standing in a fragile silence broken only by the beeping of Kyungsoo's heart monitor and the distant chirps of the birds. It almost makes him angry. How can the birds sing so happily, so freely, as a young life slips away between their calls? How can the cars which rumble on distant roads still drive, how can children still laugh, how can life go on whilst a young man prepares for death, and another prepares to lose him? How can the world still turn as it loses its greatest asset? Does no one notice? Do they not hear the cries echoing down sterile halls, the beats of a heart which will soon fall silent? Do they not feel the misery in the air, the heartache which swallow him whole? Don't they see anything at all?_

_He turns his attention back to the doctor. He doesn't know what to say, what he's supposed to say, what he's allowed to say. He could beg her to save him, scream at everyone in sight for allowing this to happen, using a terminal diagnosis as an excuse not to try and save him, demand a last minute cure, anything. He could say anything. But there's only one question on his mind._

_"How long?"_

_"I'm sorry?"_

_Baekhyun hesitates. It's painful to ask, burns a fire of misery deep within himself, but he has to know. "How long does he have left?"_

_"A day, maybe," the doctor says. Baekhyun's stomach drops, a wave of nausea washing over him at her words. "Two, at most."_

_It doesn't surprise him, really. From the look of horror which was permanently etched onto Kyungsoo's face throughout the entire ambulance ride, he knew they didn't have much time. But he can't help the sorrow which floods his mind with the words, the growing urge to fall to the floor and just scream, scream for a solution which will never come, scream for the hope which is soon to die. But he can't. His body is frozen with shock, the scream he so desperately wants to release trapped in his throat._

_All he can do is nod. "Okay."_

_The doctor continues to speak, goes off on a tangent about funeral arrangements and grief counselling and comfort, but he doesn't hear. He can't bring himself to listen, can't bring himself to look at her face. All he can do is stare through the glass window which separates him and his love, stare at the man lying motionless in bed, his peaceful face barely visible through tangled tubes and breathing equipment, listen to the faint beeps of the heart monitor through the glass. Savour the man's every breath, the breaths which draw him closer and closer to his death. All he can do is watch._

_He turns back to the doctor, who wears a sad smile on her face. She clears her throat and he turns his gaze to her hands, which clutch a few bereavement leaflets with bright colours and tangled flowers flowing along the paper. He grabs one and carefully pulls it open, ignoring the expectant gaze of the woman, whose badge proclaims her Dr. Jo. He swallows a scoff as he inspects the leaflet. It's cheerful, happy. Bright colours are splattered across the pages, a legion of wild animals crawling across self-help guides and support groups, each heading in large comic sans. The animals crawl down to the bottom of the page, where the largest animals lay next to various hotlines. Next to a suicide hotline, there's a pink tiger. On the back of the leaflet, the words TODAY, CHOOSE JOY! are stamped to the purple page in blinding pink. He hands it back to the doctor._

_"Is this for children?" He asks._

_Dr. Jo shrugs, a hollow laugh slipping from her lips. "Probably," she says. "I took every leaflet I could find."_

_"Can I have them?"_

_"Of course, that's why I took them," she says. "Can I ask you something, Baekhyun?"_

_Baekhyun shrugs. "Sure."_

_"You and Kyungsoo, have you prepared for his death?"_

_"Didn't have the time," Baekhyun mutters. "He only told me he was dying a couple days ago."_

_"Sounds like Kyungsoo," she chuckles. "Never wanted to cause a fuss."_

_"It would have been less of a fuss if he told me sooner, really."_

_"I suppose," Dr. Jo says, "but I'm surprised he told you at all. He never planned on telling anyone, that's what he always said to me. Wanted to die quietly."_

_"Die quietly?"_

_"Yeah, that was his intention. No fuss, no tears. He would just sort of… slip away. But I guess things changed when you came along."_

_A sad smile reaches Baekhyun's lips. "Guess they did."_

_"He must have really loved you, Baekhyun."_

_"Please don't use the past tense for him, Dr. Jo," Baekhyun says. "He's still here."_

_Dr. Jo nods. "My apologies."_

_"Can I go and see him?"_

_"Yeah, go on," she says. "It'd be cruel to keep you apart. But I'm warning you, this might be the last time you see him."_

_"I know," Baekhyun mutters._

_Dr. Jo gives a sad smile before walking away. Baekhyun watches her fade into the distance, her heeled shoes tapping against the hospital floor, and turns back to the window. Through it, beyond nurses, blankets and endless machines, he sees Kyungsoo, lying motionless upon his bed. Baekhyun's heart shatters at the pitiful sight, the forlorn flower blooming deep within his heart withering and dying with Kyungsoo's laboured breaths. He puts his hand to the glass and breathes. Just breathes. Breathes in time with Kyungsoo, savouring each breath, each drop of air that fills his lungs, a blowing wind in his field of heartache. Savours the laboured rising and falling of Kyungsoo's chest, treasuring each breath in his heart, knowing they are among his last. Savours Kyungsoo. Savours his fading life, and all within it._

_He wishes he could freeze time._

The beeping of a car on the roads beyond pulls him from his thoughts and he jumps, body rocking with surprise but eyes never leaving the tiny whale inked onto his wrist. It's fading. He'll have to get it touched up soon. It's been fading for a few weeks, actually, he could have already booked his appointment and had it done, has tried to phone up the parlour, but he always bailed. He could never find the strength to pick up the phone, tell Rosie that the tattoo that Chanyeol, who talked to Kyungsoo about music and ass tattoos, needs to touch up the tattoo that Kyungsoo drew in the room where Kyungsoo sang to him, in the parlour where Kyungsoo's soul began to fade, where everything went wrong. 

Even if he did manage to give them a call, he knows he could never go back. He could never walk back into the place he had once come with Kyungsoo, entirely alone. He could never answer the question Rosie would surely ask - "Where's Kyungsoo?" - could never watch Chanyeol give him a touch up in silence when he should be making fun of Kyungsoo's ass tattoo. Could never leave the parlour and walk out onto the street where it began, where he realised that his time with Kyungsoo would soon me over. He could never go back. 

But he can't let the tattoo fade. It's his most treasured reminder of Kyungsoo, infinite in its significance and endless in the emotion it brought, still brings. A tiny piece of Kyungsoo, a small fraction of his faded soul, forever inked into his skin, reminding Baekhyun of the man he loved, and all the love and life he brought. 

If the tattoo fades, Kyungsoo fades with it. And then, he will live on only in Baekhyun's mind, the memories of him surely fading over time with the picture he had so lovingly drew for Baekhyun, of the tiny whale who had such a lasting effect. And one day, when Baekhyun grows old, mind growing frail with his body, Kyungsoo will slip from his life entirely, with nothing to remind him of the man who gave him so much. 

He has to go back. But he can't. 

Baekhyun breathes a small sigh, fingers gently stroking the inked skin of his wrist. He guesses he should call Rosie again and book the touch up. It'll be painful to walk back in, he knows, painful to hear her voice and answer her questions of blissful ignorance, but this isn't about him. This was never about him. This about Kyungsoo. This is about preserving his memory, remembering the man and all he did for him. He has to do this. 

He pulls his phone from his pocket, finds the unused contact of the tattoo parlour, and dials. The phone rings for a few seconds before someone picks up. 

"Jay's Tattoos, how can I help?" 

It's Rosie, but she sounds older, more mature. He expected this; after all, she was barely a teenager when he saw her last, only just verging on adulthood now. He smiles. "Rosie, it's me, Baekhyun."

"Baekhyun?" Rosie asks. She sounds confused. 

"You know, whale tattoo on my wrist? I, uh… I came in with Kyungsoo. It was a couple years ago, but-" 

"Oh my God, Baekhyun!" Rosie shrieks. "Yes, I remember you! How have you been?"

In the last couple of years, Baekhyun has grown to absolutely detest that question. He groans internally and opts for the good old-fashioned "fine". 

"That's so great! What do you need?" 

"I think I need a touch up, the ink is starting to fade." 

"Yeah, you definitely need a touch up. By the way, how are you and Kyungsoo? Was he alright?"

"Oh, uh, me and Kyungsoo, we… Kyungsoo didn't make it." 

On the other end of the line, Rosie falls silent. She takes a few seconds to mutter something, maybe a prayer, before she speaks. "Baekhyun, I'm so sorry." 

"It's okay, but I still need that touch up." 

"Oh right, the touch up. Does Tuesday at 12 work?"

"Sure."

"Okay, see you then! Have a good day." 

"You too, Rosie." 

Rosie hangs up and Baekhyun shoves the phone back into his pocket, satisfied. He takes a moment to breathe, focusing on each breath, turning his mind to the sensations they bring, breathing in time with the wind as he breathed in time with Kyungsoo. It brings him a momentary peace, allowing the air to fill his lungs, replacing his worry and sorrow with the cool air which fills his lungs and the wind that blows beyond his ladened mind. 

When the temperature drops, only slightly, but still noticeable, Baekhyun shoves his hands into his pocket. In his left pocket, his hand finds something strange, almost rope-like. Curious, he pulls it out. 

It hits him like a ton of bricks. 

A tiny blue bracelet, riddled with charms and tied together by a tiny metal dog. On the inside, on the piece of metal stamped into the bracelet, the words "A lasting memory. Love, Kyungsoo."

For the first time since Kyungsoo left, he thanks God. He thought he'd lost this bracelet, did lose it for two months, and spent many a night crying himself to sleep with the knowledge that he'd lost one of the last things Kyungsoo ever saw, the final piece of the memories of him. But here it is. Tiny, seemingly insignificant but bringing a wave of happiness. 

His turns it about in his hand, marvelling at the way the charms catch the light of the sun which pokes through the clouds, finally allowed to shine after the downpour. The charms are pretty, he supposes, but what's better is the meaning of each, the story behind each tiny piece of silver and what they represent. He closes his eyes, feeling the silver presses against his skin as he turns his mind back to another era. The era of Do Kyungsoo. 

_A soft breeze wanders through the air, casting a slight chill across the hospital, which rushes with the hustle and bustle of lunchtime visitors and curious medical students. The sun is almost aggressive in its joy, pouring through open windows and pushing through curtains and blinds with a blinding light which catches the pictures dotted across the rooms, dances across the glass windows and tiny ornaments scattered over nightstands and cupboards. Beneath a blue ceiling riddled with flowers and inspirational quotes, Baekhyun sits in silence. Next to him, lying in peaceful slumber beneath blankets and wires and tubing, is Do Kyungsoo._

_His face has lost all colour, the slight smile he always wore entirely wiped from his face by the weakness of his body and the mammoth load of painkillers constantly being pumped into his fragile body. Baekhyun misses those rosy cheeks. And the smile, God he misses the smile. He would give anything, his heart, his soul, his life, just to see him smile again, to see the fond look he always had for Baekhyun, to see his eyes, those beautiful eyes, crease slightly as his smile widens. But he can't._

_This is his final day with Kyungsoo. He's well aware, though his mind refuses to accept the fact that Kyungsoo will be gone by tomorrow morning, but he doesn't feel the looming dread he thought he would. He doesn't feel fear, anger, despair, though he's sure those feelings linger somewhere in his mind. All he feels is love. So much love. Love for Kyungsoo, and all the joy, hope, and life he brought wherever he went. Love for the life he's soon to lose, and their tiny fairytale, sandwiched between heartbreak and loneliness, but there nonetheless, breathing love and life into everything he does. Just love, so much love._

_Baekhyun's hand finds Kyungsoo's, which, though it has been attacked with an IV, is still warm, like the hands Baekhyun held as they walked down the street, the hands that stroked his hair as he fell asleep beneath a sky full of stars and Kyungsoo's loving gaze. Despite the scariness of the hospital, everything that's changed in the past few days, his hands feel like exactly like they always did. They feel like Kyungsoo. They feel like home._

_Kyungsoo stirs slightly, a soft groan slipping from his lips, and Baekhyun jumps. "Kyungsoo?"_

_Kyungsoo hums, moving his head from side to side. Baekhyun gives a soft gasp and motions for a nearby nurse. "Look, he's moving! That's good, isn't it?"_

_The nurse spares a glance at Kyungsoo and gives a small nod. "It's not exactly game changing, but it shows he's not ready to leave just yet. He'll probably hang around for an hour or two."_

_Baekhyun nods. "Right."_

_"Sorry, love, were you expecting better news?"_

_"Yeah…"_

_The nurse chuckles and shoots Baekhyun a sympathetic look. He ignores it. "It's very common with families when they have a loved one in the ICU. They think anything other than dying is good news, but sadly that's not the reality."_

_"What if he wakes up?"_

_"He may well wake up, we could ease off the sedatives if you like."_

_"Would that wake him up?"_

_"Yes, it would," the nurse says, "But you'd only get a few minutes before he'd fall back asleep. And once he falls back asleep there will be nothing more we can do."_

_"And if you don't wake him up? Will he have longer that way?"_

_"No, he won't," she says. "He'd still only have a few hours. Should I get Dr. Jo?"_

_"Didn't she go home?"_

_"No, she's still here. She has to be, she's Kyungsoo's doctor."_

_"Right. Go get her, then."_

_The nurse nods, lingering by the bed for a second before rushing out of the room. She returns moments later with Dr. Jo by her side. She looks drained, he notes. Her face is pale, the only colour the dark eyebags beneath her tired eyes. Her lips are chapped and eyeliner is smudged across her face, but she doesn't seem to care, nor does she even notice._

_"When did you last get his vitals?" She asks, voice monotone but laced with sadness._

_"5 minutes ago," the nurse says. "They're on the chart, it's right there."_

_Dr. Jo gives a weak nod and reads through the chart before placing it back where it belongs. "What's the problem, then? Why did you need me?"_

_"His friend-"_

_"Boyfriend," Baekhyun corrects._

_"His boyfriend wants to wake him up."_

_Dr. Jo hesitates, seeming confused. "And he's aware-"_

_"That he'll die afterwards? Yes, I know, that's why I want to wake him up. I never got to say goodbye."_

_"We have him on propofol, right?"_

_"Yeah, so it won't take long for him to wake up."_

_"Then I don't see a problem, but you'd be better to check with Dr. Oh first. Just to make sure it's safe."_

_They keep talking, running through procedure and risk assessments and jargon that means nothing to Baekhyun, but he doesn't care. He doesn't care that they hold Kyungsoo's life in their hands, doesn't care that they're talking about Kyungsoo dying, it doesn't matter right now. All that matters is that Kyungsoo is coming back. Kyungsoo is going to wake up, and then Baekhyun will hold him once more, kiss him once more, feel his love once more. For one, final time, they will be together again._

_A few minutes pass, their words fading into a blur between the constant beeps of the heart monitor and the distant noise echoing down the hallways. His gaze has once again settled on Kyungsoo's motionless form and silently watches the man's peaceful slumber. A fond smile flickers across his lips when Kyungsoo gives a soft groan, slight pout reaching his ghost-white face._

_"He should be waking up soon."_

_Baekhyun turns to the nurse who spoke, trying to control the excitement that bubbles within himself. "Can you take that heart monitor off? I won't be able to hear him."_

_The nurse turns to a tall male doctor who has now joined. He offers Baekhyun a nod which is half-heartedly returned. "Dr. Oh, would that be alright?"_

_"Yeah," Dr. Oh says. "I don't see a problem."_

_The nurse removes something from Kyungsoo's chest, which Baekhyun assumes is the heart monitor, before heading to the door, the two doctors at her side. "We'll give you guys some space."_

_They leave, the door clanging shut behind them just as a soft voice pierces the air._

_"Baek?"_

_Kyungsoo's voice is weak, fragile, laced with pain and exhaustion, but the mere sound of it floods Baekhyun's heart with a rare joy. He lifts a hand to stroke Kyungsoo's pale face and plants a kiss on his cheek. "I'm here, Soo, I'm here."_

_"Am I dead?"_

_Baekhyun giggles. "No baby, you're still here. Do you know where you are?"_

_Kyungsoo's weakly lifts his head from the pillow and stares around the room, trying to find something familiar in his surroundings, but finds nothing. "No."_

_"You're in the ICU, baby, you're doing so good. They're taking good care of you."_

_Kyungsoo's eyes widen slightly. A soft sob escapes him and he throws his head back into the pillow. "Oh God…"_

_"What's wrong? Are you okay, does anything hurt?"_

_Kyungsoo shakes his head "No, oh God, no, I can't."_

_"What do you mean, you can't?" Baekhyun asks gently, rubbing soothing circles on Kyungsoo's hand._

_"This is it, isn't it? This is the end."_

_Baekhyun gives a weak nod. "Yeah."_

_"How long did they… how long did they say I have?"_

_Baekhyun hesitates, unsure of what to say. He knows the answer, he knows it too fucking well, but he's not sure if he should say it. Kyungsoo deserves to know, of course he does, but he doesn't want to hurt the man who's already so weak, so empty. So broken. And the knowledge of what will happen in a few hours, and what will happen in the days, months, years that follow will surely tear him apart with guilt._

_But he's a grown man, not a child who needs shielded from the painful reality. He deserves to know._

_"An hour or two." He barely gets the words out his mouth without choking up, but Kyungsoo seems to get the idea._

_"Baekhyun, I'm sorry-"_

_"Don't say that," Baekhyun whispers. "Don't say it, don't be sorry. This isn't your fault. It's not anyone's fault, it's just… it's just what happened."_

_"Will you be okay?"_

_Baekhyun blanches. "What?"_

_"When I'm gone, Baekhyun. Will you be alright without me?"_

_"Honestly?"_

_"Honestly."_

_"No, I won't," Baekhyun says. Kyungsoo's face falls, he seems to want to say something, but he doesn't. Baekhyun continues. "I won't be okay. Nothing will be okay, but… so help me God, Kyungsoo, I'll try. I'll try for you."_

_"Baekhyun…"_

_"I'll go and get that teaching degree, just like you said," Baekhyun says. "I'll teach English literature, just like you, I'll help kids learn quotes from Hamlet and I'll help them find themselves in literature. I'll learn all the random trivia that you can't learn and I'll tell everyone."_

_Kyungsoo listens in silence, a soft smile on his lips. Though his mind is ladened with dread for his impending death, worry for how Baekhyun will cope, fear for what comes next, a spark of happiness flickers from his fire of melancholy at Baekhyun's words. He lifts his hand, which is caged in Baekhyun's hold, and lifts it to his boyfriend's face. "You better tell everyone."_

_Baekhyun laughs. By now, tears are pouring down his face, but he doesn't care. "I will. I'll make you proud, Kyungsoo, I promise."_

_"Baekhyun," Kyungsoo says. "You already make me proud. So proud. I love you so much."_

_"I love you too," Baekhyun says. "Eternally."_

_"Kiss me," Kyungsoo says. "Please, just one last time."_

_Baekhyun smiles and leans over to Kyungsoo, who tries to lift his head to meet him, but is bound to the bed with his own weakness. Baekhyun presses his lips to Kyungsoo's and Kyungsoo leans in, savouring the feeling. Baekhyun allows his lips to linger before he pulls away, a sad smile on his lips, and sits back in his chair._

_"How do you feel?" Baekhyun asks._

_"Giddy," Kyungsoo says, "like a child. That was great."_

_Baekhyun can't help the giggle that slips past his lips. "I meant physically, but I'm glad to hear that."_

_"Oh, well I'm fine physically."_

_"No pain?"_

_"Not really. Guessing they drowned it in morphine or something."_

_They both laugh, soft smiles on their faces, but Baekhyun can tell from Kyungsoo's eyes that he's not truly happy. He looks sad, fearful, almost. Something's wrong._

_"Kyungsoo, are you… what's wrong?"_

_Kyungsoo gives a soft sigh. He pulls his gaze from Baekhyun and settles on the window that separates him from the rest of the world. A world that will go on without him, barely stopping to notice its loss. "Baekhyun," he whispers._

_"I'm here, Soo," Baekhyun says. "Just tell me what's wrong."_

_"I think this is it."_

_Baekhyun knew this was coming. He knew what Kyungsoo was going to say, heard those exact words before they were even spoken, but he still feels a flood of dread crashing through his heart like a tidal wave. He allows his eyes to close and releases a soft sigh. It's time. Time to say goodbye to the one he loves, and the fairytale he wrote with the ashes of his despair. Who knew the end would come so soon?_

_He opens his eyes to see Kyungsoo, gaze still fixed on his face. He can almost feel the guilt that must be rushing through the man's veins, filling him up and drowning him in their embrace. He grabs Kyungsoo's hand. "It's okay, baby, I'm still here. I'll always be here."_

_"I'm sorry," Kyungsoo croaks. A tear rolls down his cheek and Baekhyun uses his other hand to wipe it away._

_"It's alright, don't worry, I'm here."_

_"Baekhyun," Kyungsoo says between the sobs which now pour from his shaking form._

_"I know, Kyungsoo, I know. You can go to sleep, yeah? Just close your eyes, it'll be quick, and then there'll be no more pain."_

_Kyungsoo shakes his head, squeezing his eyes shut in a feeble attempt to stop his tears. "I don't want to go, Baek," he whispers. "I don't want to say goodbye."_

_"This isn't goodbye, Soo," Baekhyun says. "This is not the end. We'll meet again, I promise."_

_"It'll be years…"_

_"I know," Baekhyun says. "And those years will be painful, so painful, but they'll be over soon. And then we'll finally be together again. Up in the stars, where angels like you belong."_

_Kyungsoo nods. "I, um, I wanted to give you something."_

_Baekhyun perks up slightly. "What is it?"_

_Kyungsoo reaches for his wrist and pulls off the small bracelet that Baekhyun didn't even know was there. Baekhyun reaches his free hand towards Kyungsoo, who wraps it around it with a soft smile. Its tiny, deep blue and riddled with charms. A tiny whale, an ice cream, a book. It brings a smile to his face and he presses a kiss to Kyungsoo's cheek. "I love it."_

_"Knew you would, Baek." Kyungsoo pauses. He can barely push the next words from his scratched throat. "I have to go, love. It's time for me to go."_

_Baekhyun smiles. Despite the mounting dread, the looming sadness and loneliness which already fill him up a morbid prediction for the future, a wave of peace washes over him. Kyungsoo will finally get to rest, close his eyes and go back to Heaven, where he belongs. And then there'll be no more pain, no more suffering, no more tears. He will finally be at peace._

_"You can go to sleep now, Soo," Baekhyun says. "It's okay, I'm here, I've got you. You'll be okay."_

_"I love you, Baekhyun."_

_"I love you too, Kyungsoo, so much. So fucking much."_

_Kyungsoo pulls his free hand from where it lies from the bed, fighting against his screaming muscles to bring it up to his lips and blow Baekhyun a kiss. It flops back down to the bed when he's done, exhausted by the slight movements. He takes one last moment to look at Baekhyun, finding the same solace in the man's every detail that he always did, the same peace and warmth flooding his fading body, the same joy washing over his soul, his old soul, ladened down by pain and guilt but still singing with love. He smiles at Baekhyun, a small smile, but it's all he can manage._

_He feels tiredness overtake him, holding him down, and it feels like he's drowning, drowning in the same ocean he'd chucked rocks into as a child, the same ocean he'd watched Baekhyun stand next to all those years ago. Somewhere in his soul, buried beneath exhaustion and suffering, he wants to fight it, wants to keep his eyes open and fight, fight for every breath for which he fought for so long. But he can't. He doesn't._

_At sundown, Kyungsoo closes his eyes._

_Moments later, Baekhyun watches, heart full of peace and love, as Kyungsoo's shallow breaths fade into silence. And so, the era of Do Kyungsoo was gone with the winds. Finally at peace._

_That night, he cries himself to sleep, clutching the teddy bear that always perched atop Kyungsoo's bed, wrapped in the shirt he always wore. His heart is filled with despair, shock and misery pumped through his veins with every breath, but he doesn't feel alone. He knows Kyungsoo's there, somewhere, watching, waiting for him to come home. He feels his lingering presence, feels it all around him, reaching for him, comforting him and showing him in the same endless love Kyungsoo had to give. Though his night passes with cries and screams of despair, he knows, deep within himself, that Kyungsoo is not gone._

_He is there, and he always will be. Now and forever._

The beach is quiet. By now, everyone has left, and as darkness begins to fall, Baekhyun feels the same flicker of sadness he feels each sundown. But, much like the first night after Kyungsoo, and all the nights that followed, he knows that Kyungsoo is there, somewhere. 

Though his body lies still and lifeless, drained of colour by passing time, his soul and memory lives on in Baekhyun, in his every day, his every moment and his every smile. He is now the wind that blows, the snow that falls, the sun that peeks out from the clouds after rainfall. He is everywhere, everything, but most importantly, he is free. Finally at peace.

Baekhyun turns, taking one last breath before walking away from the beach and returning to Kyungsoo's apartment, which is now his own. He falls asleep as rain pours from the dark skies, splashing gently against his windows until his eyes flutter closed, and his world falls to silence. 

Until they meet again.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope u read the tags. Thank you Emily for telling me to wrap it up at 10k words. I did not listen but it's appreciated.


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